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Zinah and repentance

Q:

Alsalam walaykum. I dont know if this is the right place for this question but I’m really lost and feel like I will never be forgiven and a dissapointment.
I pray 5 times a day, I read quran sometimes, I wear the hijab but I have been struggling sometimes. Feeling like there is no hope because life has gotten hard and I’ve felt like giving up.

I’ve been with a guy since may, he is muslim to and 4 years older than me. I have kept him a secret from my family. Under this month he has told me he wants to talk to my family and mum. And he has told his mom about me and said that she can call my mom, because she lives in moroco, and speak to her now if I want to.
We have been doing some haram stuff, zinah. Im still a virgin but I think he took it yesterday, I told him to not put it in but he still did it and it lasted for only one second and he took it out again or something.
I have always felt bad and I know that im sinning, i really want to make this halal. But it feels wrong because of my young age, and different etnicities, and his life is a little bit unstable right now. I really dont know what to do, did I commit zinah? How can I be forgiven? Will I ever be forgiven? Am i going to be punished for this? I am really lost right know and feel hopeless, like I have dissapointed my family even if they doesnt know. Im sorry for a long text, and im really sorry if this isnt the right place. I just need some help with this.
Thank you

A:

Alaikum salam.

Yes, you have committed the unlawful act of Zina unfortunately.
However, you can be forgiven if you repent for your dreadful sin and vow never to repeat it in any way. It takes alot of courage but the outcome would be to earn the love and pleasure of Allah s.w.t. as He loves those who repent and always turn to Him.
One of the ruses of Shaitan is to create a feeling of hopelessness in a person. This is considered a major sin after shirk, ie associating partners with Allah the Immaculate. Be careful not to fall in this trap by having dispair. Try compensating for the sin and avoid any meetings with this boy who is considered namahram and a stranger for you much as you claim to know him. If you want to please Allah and make things halal for yourself, then do talk to your parents without getting into detail about your past mistake, that you are interested to get married to this particular boy whose parents would propose you as you said.
If the boy is faithful.enough, he will prove that too by asking his mother to officially propose you.
If God forbid things don’t work out the way you’ve supposed, then it was a mere short term infatuation that has taught you a great lesson for the future.
As far as your repentance is concerned, i can well assure you that Allah is the All merciful, the All forgiving to the sincere repenter of Major and minor sins.