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Salaam uncle,

I am reaching out to you for a bit of knowledge and advice as I am having some troubles.

I had found someone who was initially my friend until it grew to be more than friends. I realised I had to make it halal as soon as possible by telling my parents. my parents were really upset and rejected him immediately as he was not their choice due to cultural reasons.
I then performed istikhara myself because I was so confused and i asked Allah whether he was the one and i should continue asking Allah to unite me with him OR just simply give up and listen to my parents. I performed it 3 times, and all 3 times I got really good signs alhamdullilah and even seen 2 dreams! first dream on the first day I seen my mum accepted him!

A week later my mum tells me she got an istikhara done on the guy by three imams from back home. the istikhara came back very negative: the guy isn’t very good, he is in contact with 2 or 3 girls and he has done black magic on me for me to not get married and not get a job too.

As far as I am aware uncle, an istikhara is simply a guidance from Allah where you get signs/feelings which can either be good or bad. I’m not sure what kind of istikhara these imams performed? where have they got such negative AND specific information from?

I’m just very confused now because I got very good signs from my personal istikhara but this other istikhara is showing the complete opposite. My mum has now strictly told me to cut connection with the guy and have no hopes at all.

I would really appreciate if you could give me a little bit of advice as to who I should believe as this is really stressing me out.

Thank you


Salaamun alaykum

Thank you for your question

The actual meaning of `Istikhara’ is “asking what is best and proper from Allah(swt). This means that in all of one’s affairs, the person supplicates to Allah and sincerely, asks Him to make his path easy and to have a good outcome.
If a person is able to reach to this state by better methods such as thinking and asking others for advice, then it is not necessary for him to seek refuge with theIstikhara.
There are a few types of istikhara out if which two are istikhara by quran and istikhara by tasbih.
If after one has supplicated to Allah and after exhausted his thinking and asking others for advice, one is still in a state of confusion, then these methods can be used.
So in your case, if you did the above and you still feel confused then doing istikhara would be appropriate.
You did not mention the type of istikhara you used, one thing to keep in mind before doing istikhara is you have to know the right way of doing it and if you are using the quran you should know how to interpret the verse or otherwise show an aalim.
For the istikhara that your mother got done, it is possible for a scholar to give you specific details but it is extremely rare, one has to be very pious to be able to give you such details.
I don’t know much details abut your situation but I would like to give a humble advise and that is to sit and talk rationally with your mother and put all the negative and positive points on the plate, consider her concerns and then keep your emotions aside and then take a decision. If you talk things through with your mother, I am sure both of you will reach to a conclusion and that way your mother will be pleased with you as well. And when parents are pleased with their children, Allah is also pleased and He opens doors from places that are least expected.

Zahra Davdani.