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Way of Thinking about Signs of creator


I am a muslim by birth. A year ago i found that i am a hypocrite , who doubts on The Creator. So i thought that after i become a true believer in Allah, then i can repent as the repentance of a doubter is not accepted. So since then i have been trying to find signs and trying to have true faith. I started with scientific miracles of quran and it didn’t work ,i dont know why i don’t see any signs in them and then i started with the signs in the universe and i found that i even rejected that because i didn’t even find any signs in them and As Einstein said “The universe is so precisely designed that it is hard to believe” so when ever i think of what Einstein said i get scared and shocked because even Einstein believed in The Creator but what has happened to me ? Is there anything wrong in the way i think or my heart is sealed ? Trust me brother it really feels worst when u see even the scientists believe but u r still in doubt …. it hurts …..i don’t know why has my mind become so irrational and how can i revive it ? please help and if u can please suggest me some books to change my mind ,my reasoning and they way i think and some ways to discover signs . I fear that what after these signs will make me a believer …..?? Help me


Salaamun Alaykum

Thank you for your question. Coming to terms with belief is a common struggle in a time where we are constantly bombarded with the material and the philosophical rejection of the metaphysical. That dichotomy means that we usually seek certainty through intellection and argument, whereas the truth is that belief is a matter of the heart, in harmony with the intellect. Both faculties need to be used to arrive at certainty in an Omnipotent Being far above our intellection. While signs point us towards His Existence, satisfaction in His Existence is a property of the heart and one of the best bounties that He has bestowed on His servants. That is because God is not comprehended by the senses, but the existence of sensory beings indicates towards Him and this is what makes them signs. God is seen with the eyes of the heart. If you can’t see Him with those eyes then pray sincerely that He removes the doubt from your heart and the obstruction in your heart’s vision.
At the same time, on an intellectual level while someone subscribes to certain philosophical presumptions it will be hard for them to come to terms with the belief in God. On the other hand, with other presumptions it is almost impossible to imagine a world without a God. A person who believes that there is more to existence than the corporeal world, that life has a purpose beyond the mundane and that the human spirit is a vast, will not be able to comprehend a world without God and will see everything within it indicating towards Him.
But someone who believes that the only verifiable world is the corporeal one, that human sense is limited to what is sensed by the five senses alone, and that there is purpose to life, would find it difficult to correlate these presumptions about the world with the existence of a creator and would not see phenomenon in this world as signs of that creator, but would maybe take them to be chance, or nature or something else.
So perhaps go back and see what presumptions you have as the societies we live in have a vested interest in encouraging disbelief in God. Without God humans become purposeless and so are easily swayed and distracted. In time I pray everything will become clearer.
May you always be successful.