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Toxic relationship with parent



Our maulanas are always talking about how to respect your parents and be nice to them and listen to them. But they won’t ever talk about us “the children” and how parents should treat us? There is not a single lecture on how to deal with a toxic parent/s. My mom does this thing where she will go to my brother and talk bad about me and my sister. She will come to me and talk bad about my sister and my brother and then she will go to my sister and talk bad about me and my brother. And if we don’t listen she gets upset. This has started to effect our relationship with her and also effects the relationship amongst us siblings. We have started to blame each other and don’t like each other at all. And when any of us try to confront her, she doesn’t listen and cuts us off then starts blaming us for how terrible we are to her and then she starts crying and sometimes she even starts hitting herself. This creates a very terrible situation for us and at the end we all have to take care of her and have to console her. P.S. This is only one example. It is getting extremely difficult to deal with such situations. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

Thank you


Waalykum salam

Thank you for your Question.

Sorry to hear about the situation in your house. It is difficult to be in a situation like yours.

So from what I read in your Question, I feel that your mum is feeling insecure about something. There is something that’s bothering her at the back of her mind and that’s why she is doing what she is.
She wants to keep everyone hooked to herself, making everyone else Look or sound not so good like herself. Ofcourse, I do not know the exact issues in your house but this is what I could reach to after thinking as to why a mother would do what she is.

But again, the exact reason as to why she is feeling that way is unknown to me and only you, her child(ren), can find out and help her out. In the meantime, you siblings can get together and come up with a constructive strategy as to how you can resolver her issues.
You need to have a calm and peaceful approach to be able to really help her out. As getting her excited and being loud or Rough only takes you guys back to the point where she hits herself or so
You may want to speak to a local Aalim and or a counselor for further guidance.

I hope this is solved and you’re able to enjoy your mother.

Kind regards,
Naajiya Jaffery