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Salam. I wanted to ask you a crucial question regarding my situation. About four years ago, I decided I wanted to find a good husband and wrnt to Mashad and asked Imam Reza for a good spouse, on my return, i started talking to an Iranian boy from the UK whilst I myself am a khoja. My parents knew about it and were fine with it and my dad even let me do muta with him for the sake of talking in halal way. We fell in love and he told his mother but his mother was against the relationship just because I am not an iranian. So he broke up with me. I went back to Mashad to complain to Imam Reza after afew months feeling heartbroken and immediately after i left mashad, the iranian boy started talking to me again, because he said his parents do not really care about the islamic criteria of finding a spouse and they only care about culture. As in, they wouldnt mind it if he had a non-religious iranian wife but they mind me although I am religious and compatible with their son just because I am not iranian, which is a racist and racism is not allowed in Islam. So we continued our halal reltionship without his parents consent and kept talking to each other as my father had given his consent. We were planning to marry this year and the iranian guy told me that even if his parents dont agree to the marriage, he will still marry me because the parents are not being islamic and not focusing on the islamjc criteria for spouse selection. We have tried persuading his parents for four years and we really see each other as compatible and love each other too much after four years of talking and spending time together within a muta. His parents are completely refusing despite four years of respectfully arguing n making them see reason. They admit that i am a good girl but they still do not want me just because i am not iranian. This year we want to get married but his mother gave him an ultimatum to choose between me and her and she even does unislamic threats that she will commit suicide if he marries me. The problem is we see ourselves as matched by Imam Reza, we have always out Allah first and never done anything but in halal way, we are compatible and in love and dont want to marry anyone else. Now due to the emotional blackmail from his mother, the iranian guy stopped speaking with me whilst he decides what to do. I feel very hurt and i am praying everyday for a miracle to happen because we have been together for four years and it is unfair to stop two people from doing a sunnah thing such as marriage only due to the fact that i am of a different culture. Me an him are compatible and we dont follow cultural traditions and i have lived in iran and know the language and culture there but his family still doesnt want me. I dont know what to do and i feel that it is wrong for them to be an obstacle for marriage for an invalid reason becaue they are not religious the way me and him are. Also i believe the iranian guy is wrong to have stopped speaking to me because he has given his word to me and my parents that he would marry me even if his parents say no, and that is why i decided to continue the relationship with him for four years. Please advice in the light of the deen. Thank you


Alaykum Salaam

The situation is indeed difficult and mays seem unfair. However, in the end, he cannot marry you while his mother is adamantly against it and neither should you resent him for that.

My suggestion is to end the relationship and move on, seeking God’s help with the wasīla of Imam (A) for the best result.

Kind regards

Abbas Jaffer