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Staying with my brothers in law…


Assalamu Alaikum,
Iam married for one and half year and my husband is basically a very good person. Before marriage he used to stay with his brothers( one own and the other cousin). We thought we will live separately after marraige. But even his two brothers started to live with us. As a new bride I used to feel uncomfortable to stay in the house along with three men as it is affecting the privacy. I have told my husband the same many times.But he doesnt listen to me.
Now we have a baby and I really feel uncomfortable to stay along with his brothers. My husbands own brother usually roams out with a girl whom he says she is his colleague. I have seen that girl many times coming to our house as well. As I dont like their behaviour, I requested my husband to warn his brother which did not happen.
When I shouted on my husband,regarding this matter,he asked me to get out of the house and the girl will come whenever she likes.
As we stay near to my parents house, I called my father to question him. My husband spoke very rudely with my father and questioned him why he came there. When my father questioned about his brothers living with him( male friends of his brothers also visit them and they directly enter the kitchen and their bedroom ),my husband questioned me when I can stay with my father in the same house,why cant I stay with his brothers in the same house. After heated argument,I left the home and came to my parents house.
Please let me know if I have done mistake by coming out of the house.


Waalaykum Salam sister

Sorry to hear about your experience,

InshaAllah all goes back to normality soon. You certainly have the right to ask for some privacy, especially if the house is full of “namahrams” and their extended relations. I would like you to consider the following for further evaluation of your peoblem:

1- You should try and not scream. Men have an ego and when you try and break that, they become defiant. And that only escalates the matter further.

2- Instead of asking your father to speak to him, you should try another source such as a local Aalim or another adult figure to help resolve your issue. Sometimes it is hard to accept the words of a close relation of a person you’re in a raw with.

3- You both need to see a counsellor or an Aalim that can help put your unrest to rest. The Aalim should also put a lot of emphasis on how the na-mahram relations in the house could effect your child upbringing and his thoughts.

4- It is also important for your husband to understand that, your father (or his father to you) has a individual relation with him now, regardless of your presence. Meaning, your husband has been bonded to your parents just like he is bonded to his own. Your mother will be his Mahram, for life even if he divorced you. In that case thier respect holds a lot of emphasis. I hope this was useful.

Best wishes