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Should I wait for him?

Q:

Assalaam alikum.

I have been talking to a guy for 6 months now over phone for the sake of marriage. After one month of knowing each other we told our families, and since then they have met twice and are happy to proceed. However a month ago the guy says he is having doubts and needs time to think if this is the right decision. When I asked him what these doubts were, he couldn’t pin point exactly what they were and said that it’s probably because it’s not biggest decision of his life. He said he still wants to marry but is a thinker, and he wants to think it all through before making an absolute decision. This has put doubt in me, for 5 months he made me believe he was happy to proceed, and suddenly he feels different now. I have waited for a month already, and he asked me to wait another month and has apologised saying he can’t help the way he feels, but he needs to think it over so he doesn’t have any regrets in future. My parents dont know, How he feels, if they did they would call it off. My question is do I wait or move on? He ticks most of the boxes for what I am looking for in a spouse. I know he is very serious about this, but the way he has been, are these warning signs not to proceed with him. We have both done our istikhara and are both practicing. What should I do?

A:

salam alaikum

May the Almighty Allah simplify your problem.

since we don’t know what other details are involved in the scenario, we will suggest that you just let it be. If he is meant to it will be, and if not, it should be kept where it should be. Hence, if he comes back, you must first clarify all your doubts, fears and concerns about how he just acted. do not proceed blindly. you should also make sure that he is not going to be backing out on things that need both husband and wife’s commitment.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment and involves a lot of thinking and contentment before proceeding. while he is taking his time, you take yours and we will also suggest that you let your parent know so that they can help you through their experience and wisdom.

Also, make sure you’re making plenty of dua and speak to Allah for a way out, either with the person or without, and make that a good for you.

Good luck!
N.S.Jaffery

 

Regards