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Should I go with my feelings and have a belief in Allah and miracles or should I get over her?



I fell in love with my cousin and I confessed my love to her after she got engaged to her cousin. She also experienced a temporary infatuation with me but that was not love. She gave me a little bit of importance for some time, which intensified my feelings for her. It has been 3 years and she told me many times to get over her because that is better for both of us due to our family.  I think she also loves me but she hesitates to confess her feelings for me. She is my cousin from my maternal side and both of us can not get married because of health issues due to cousin marriage as our family has experienced some cases which are assumed to be the result of the cousin marriage.

The thing is that I believe in miracles and I think Allah is the greatest and these health issues due to cousin marriage are not a problem. If Allah wants these issues to be solved HE will clear the ways for us. I have also considered some other options such as child adoption. I just want to ask Should I go with my feelings and have a belief in Allah and miracles or should I get over her? The main issue is that I have tried many times to forget her but I cant. Kindly guide me through this.


Wa Alaykumussalam

Thank you for your question

You have mentioned that you fell in love with your cousin and cofessed your love to her after she got engaged to her cousin. This shows that she is already engaged and is supposed to get married to someone else. If this is the case then it will not be appropriate to interfere in other’s premarital or marital life.

But if that is not the case, or her engagement is broken or she is not engaged anywhere then you can think over this issue.

In the matter of marriage, one should proceed with the proper planning considering everything. Having Tawakkul and leaving the work on God and trusting does not mean not consulting and not trying or not planning before marriage. Allah(swt) has bestowed us with intellect so we can analyze and understand different things.

If you consider consanguineous marriage as a factor in the birth of defective children, while considering the history of this problem in your family then you should be careful and cautious. In this case, you can refer to the experts in this field and get their opinion and hence decide.

There are many things for which a person has to take care of. The effects of different things do exist and we can’t deny it. Of course on the other hand you can also rely on Allah’s mercy but you have to analyze it from all perspective and then decide to marry or leave her.

There are some blood tests done before marriage to find out some problems beforehand. One of the tests is the Genotype check.

Genotype and genotype compatibility is important as a pre-marriage medical test because it affects future offspring directly. How so? The genotype of parents defines the genotype of offspring. Genotypes are integral players in your body’s genetic make-up and determine whether a future offspring could be a sickle cell carrier. Given the seriousness of sickle cell disease, doctors often advise that specific genotype groupings should not pair up in marriage to avoid the risk of kid(s) with the sickle cell condition. They include AS, AC, SS, and SC genotypes.

There may be other blood tests also done to, such as thalassemia etc. check possibilities for the future diseases transferring to the next generation by consulting the professional in the field.

If you decide to marry, make sure you have mutual understanding between you and that girl for adopting a child later on. Also remember, if you marry her and later don’t plan to have kids from her then you must not blame her for getting married as the man can marry four at a time but the woman can’t marry more than one. You should not spoil your or your cousin’s life.

Allaho A’alam

May Allah(swt) grant you success


Syed Haider