The World Federation One Stop Fiqh

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Should I Continue or Divorce?


Case Description: I got married at 18 . Mh husband lived with me for a month then left me with his parents and brothers. For an year they forcefully made me a slave for them i had to make meals 3 times a day. I had to serve them tea. Give them massages. Make them snacks. Clean the whole home. And i was never looked parents live in Qatar and I was in India with them …and I didn’t even know that country. I one day asked to go back to my parents n they told me i couldnt go cuz tbey dont permit me . N let me go for a month n asked me to return back. Said that i belong to them now. My foot got burned severely with pain in the whole leg but they still didnt take me to a doctor nor gave me any tropical medication. They would always taunt me abuse me parents my upbringing . They even held my gold which my parents had given me .I had to wake up at 7am exactly n be in kitchen or else I’d be scolded the whole day and given extra work. They would throw food at me …They would ask me sew their clothes n if I refuse they would throw it at me. I would go to my room only at 10. I wouldn’t sleep all night because I wasn’t habituated to sleeping in conditions like those where electricity would go off and there would be noises outside and I use to be hungry. They never provided me with dairy or proper food . They would ask me to eat what they have . They would ask me not to talk to my parents much . N always complain about my parents not giving anything like dowry. They would always tell me I am abnormal and mad . They would tell my parents that I am crazy n need a psychiatrist every time I would be late on waking up or if I would cry when they use to abuse me. They would also force me holding me neck n push me in front of themselves or relatives to bow before them. I fell ill after almost 8 months …so ill that i felt dying is better than that pain n still they didnt take me to a proper hospital my mom had to rush at midnight to get me to hospital er . Then i was also asked to come back asap. N 4 days later because i was ill n couldnt work. I was told to leave their home early morning. Even then my husband wanted me to go back to their home n wanted my dad to drop me there. When I refused he threatened to kill my brother..who was at that time alone studying in USA . Be blackmailed me with my pictures he had. He told me religiously I am suppose to obey him . N told me if I don’t go back n apologize n do as they say I shouldn’t come to him. N he was in u.s too. He threatened to kill my cousin brothers too. I was in india….a country i dint know anything about neither with my parents there as i was born and brought up in qatar. My parents rushed back from their trip of USA to india and asked me to get seperated from him. As he always asked me to do as his parents would say. But i refused to get seperated i told everyone i wana see what he is. N that i know he will not let any of it happen again. That he will take care of my esteem n me n my health. I never slept the 1 whole year. My health was gone bad. Then coming onto seperation ..i refused n i called cops on my parents saying they want me to seperate from him n i dont wana i left everyone n everythin n came to him. All alone. To live with him . And at that time his parents made a paper with 50 points on them of how I should dress what I should eat…I should cut my relationship with my parents and family n friends..They even accused my character n chastity on that paper. It had 50 points. They wanted me to sign that. But even after i was here everything was same i worked for his sister n parents at his siters home. They would comain if i dont look after her kids. N always talk about my character n how iam worth nothing like always. In all this my husband does nothing but scream at me ..get physical with knives etc..n tell me how bad wife iam .Parents were gone i worked for his sister. N everytime i have refused. But he would just torture me emotionally get physical by pushing me away n showing his physical strenghth . He wants me to wear what his sister and parents approved of not what i want to. If I ever refused to work for them or said a word to them he would abuse me and scream at me in front of everyone and behave physically rough with me like holding my hand too tight pushing me away and everything. My parents didnt speak to me for a year until i got a panic attack. He later told me he would apply for our green card so that we could stay here he got the money from my dad. N anytime i would refuse to do something for his family he would threaten me by saying that he wont get me educated. I want to study become independent. I want to be something. Iam an individual too. I have dreams. He tells me i should be glad hes not hitting me hard . Should I stay with him or should I leave him?


Salaam sister.

After reading about your situation, i really sympathize with you. It must be very difficult for a girl your age to go through all this.
True., divorce is one of the most detested acts that Allah has made halaal but Allah has kept it halaal for a reason; for when there is no other way out and life has become miserable.
In your situation if you are bearing all this misery to save your marriage and you think you have a chance that your husband might regret his actions and act nicely with you then it is ok to give sacrifices or rather i can say its important for both man and woman to give sacrifices for a successful marriage. But at the same time you have to know that islam has given women rights. You have to learn your rights and stand up for your rights amd not let any one oppress you. Its ok to sacrifice for your husband and his family as long as long as you are treated as a humanbeing.
And  bearing all this oppression just because you want to get educated is too much torture you are putting yourself through. I am sure your parents who are willing to help you in this situation would be willing to educate you further.
I hope and pray Allah helps you and that you can make the best decision, a decision that will help you live a normal life inshaAllah.

Zahra Davdani.