The World Federation One Stop Fiqh
Search
Menu

Ask an Alim

Severed Family Ties Before Reverting

Q:

Assalamualaikum, I am a revert who has been attempting to practice for almost six months now alhamdulillah and I wanted to ask if I had to re-establish ties between myself and my abusive parent whom I haven’t spoken to since I was a child. From a very young age, he would hit me, he has burned me, and ridiculed me. My mother did not want the abuse to continue so she divorced him and maintained myself and my siblings in the home with her. During this time, I attempted to have a relationship with him to the best of my ability with my mother’s support as she would drive me over to his place or to my grandmother’s house where he could visit us because he was not supposed to be alone with us due to his history of abuse. However, during this time he never provided a consistent income for our living, he often never showed up to visit with us, and he was living a very haram lifestyle. I stopped speaking to him when I was 13-14 years old as he got into a verbal argument with me while he was drunk and threatened to take me and my siblings away from our mother. Afterwards, I no longer attempted to contact him or his side of the family. Subhanallah during this difficult time, my mother remarried a Muslim and reverted and I reverted years later. This brings me to my question: must I relocate my father and re-establish ties with him? I am no longer angry with him for his actions towards me as Allah (swt) has provided better for me. Yet I hesitate to have a relationship with him for a number of reasons 1. He is not a Muslim nor is his side of the family and they have engaged in behavior that is not appropriate for a Muslim to take part in and I am afraid of being placed in inappropriate situations that are sinful as it is more than highly likely that they have not changed their lifestyles. 2. I have younger siblings now that do not know of his existence and I am afraid to endanger them as I am their eldest sibling and I want to protect them from all harm. 3. I do not want to strain my mother’s relationship with her husband as my father has been disrespectful to both of them in the past. 4. My other siblings who are not Muslim do not want a relationship with him and I am afraid to upset them as I care for them very much. Forgive me for revealing so many personal details however I have not been able to find any advice for reverts in this situation and would like some insight. I do not want to commit a sin by maintaining the severed kinship ties however I don’t want a relationship with this person to take me further away from my religion. If anyone could help me, I will be grateful.

A:

Bismihi Ta’ala,

Salam Alaykum,

Thank you for your question. It seems that your fears are warranted. Perhaps you could establish a semi-long-distant relation with him (like talking on the phone with him or writing him letters). That way, you would not have completely severed ties with him and also prevented the problems you are afraid would result by coming into direct contact with him. I hope that helps.

Sayyid Shiraz