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Selecting my cousin as my spouse


Asalamaualikum Sheikh,
I am a 21 year old female born in the Uk. I am still completing my studies. There was an individual from pakistan that i started to speak to online, i know it wasnt the right choice but one think lead to another, his parents asked for my rishta because we are from the same family, not first cousins but 2nd 3rd type. Once my parents found out that i was speaking to him which was after 6 months, they told me, i cant keep no contact whatsoever and i cant marry him, my dad threatened me and my mum was just crying. They have come and asked again respectfully, it has been over 6 months but i still have very strong feelings for him, i have not spoke to him whatsoever. No contact on any social media. My dad and mum are also pressuring me to marry my first cousin, i have declined but they keep asking and keep getting emotional. I have valid points on why to reject him and why the other rishta was better.
I wanted to ask are we as muslims allowed to pray for someone, like a particular person for marriage? For example not praying for just a pious spouse but naming him and saying please open the doors of marriage for both of us? Being very specific and praying that where ever he is, Allah forgives him and gives us both sabr.
I have also done salatul istikhara and it has given me a very big positive sign. The sign was that me and the individual was sitting in madina, just infront of the Prophet Muhammad pbuh mosque.
Having many other signs too, all of them being positive as i have done the salatul istikhara for atleast 3x. My heart is not accepting on letting him go because of all the signs, i have tried my best but everytime i just want to pray for him that he becomes my husband and we marry.

Please could you advice me alittle, as i have never met the individual but have just got very strong feelings, i am going for a family wedding to Pakistan in about 6 months and its scary me thinking my mum and dad will pressurise me on marrying my first cousin and wont even consider the other rishta. I dont want to hurt him or disrespect him any way.
Thank you for your time.


Wa alaykum salaam

Dear sister; marriage is a lifetime commitment and a lot of things have to taken into consideration before making a decision.
Where emotions play an important role in marriage,compatibility is equally important for a successful marriage.
My advice to you is; don’t take a hasty decision. Attend the family wedding, meet the boy,gather information about him from people who know him,look into his positive and negative points and then make a decision.
One of the things you have to take into consideration is your parents opinion.
Usually parents have a very strong sixth sense. Due to their experience, they can sense things which children cannot.Therefore for a better result, don’t ignore their opinion.

As far as Dua is concerned, there is nothing wrong in asking for specific things from Allah. As He says in the Quran: “Call to Me and I will answer you”

Our duty is to ask for Halaal things from Allah and its upon His wisdom whether He grants our Dua immediately, after some time or else He has a better plan for us.

Therefore there is nothing wrong in asking Allah to give that which is in our best interests and trust Him to do what….. He knows what is the best for us.

S. Taqawi.