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Responsibilities as a Wife & his as a Husband



I’m glad I stumbled upon this website. I have been really disturbed for quite some time.

I got married 3 years ago, & have twin boys that are 2 years old. My husband was really affectionate & caring in the beginning, but after the kids he doesn’t pay any attention to me. I find him to be shallow, as he expects me to look the same way I did before the kids. As my frame is really petite & my stomach stretched too much while I was pregnant, I have a condition called Diastasis Recti where my abs have seprated so my stomach sort of hangs. I have tried dieting & excercise. But to no avail .

My doctor said I can have a tummy tuck, once I’m done having more kids. I would really like one more, but my husband doesn’t want anymore kids because of the financial stress. I have been working two jobs this whole time while supporting the whole family. He had moved from another country so it took him a while to get settled and get a professional job. Now Alhumdulillah he is at. I asked him to start paying some money towards the expenses of the house, so it’s not so burdensome on me, to which he agreed.

After the kids we don’t sleep in the same room as I would sleep with the kids. We haven’t been intimate for a while. & it’s really sporadic. Makes me wonder if he is meeting his sexual needs elsewhere. He is a handsome looking man & travels for work & he is gone 4 days out of the week.

I have seeked counseling many times, that’s helped to regulate my emotions & expectations.

My questions are:

1. Islamically should we be sleeping in the same bed , he seems bothered by my presence when I do sleep in his bed. He is a light sleeper and he says I snore (heat broken)

2. I don’t know if he is cheating or what because he is really good at masking his emotions. I have been asking Allah to give me a sign to see if I should stay with him. I wouldn’t want to leave him because of the kids. But don’t think I would be okay living with a cheater

3. I don’t want to be in a loveless marriage. If he is not attracted to me, what should I do ? Get the tummy tuck ? I try to do what pleases him, but I get frustrated as I feel I have so much stress on me financially & to do everything else in the house… just doesn’t seem fair.

4. He is not very religious & im afraid that’s going to affect the kids.

5. Maybe knowing my responsibilities as a wife & his as a husband would help. If you can guide us to that, would be great.

Sorry if I went on a rant. It’s just been really sad.



Waalykum salam

Thank you for your Question

And that wasn’t a rant at all! We all need to vent it out and can only pray to Allah to solve our things and guide us to the right path.

1- You should be sleeping together. It will be highly recommended to do so, so that you can also get the physical attention that you both must be needing. Being together will help understand each other’s moods, likes, dislikes etc it will also help you communicate better. As I feel that lack of communication can certainly bring you where you are at the moment.

2 From your writing, I feel it’s too early to opt for separation. You must first kill the distance between the two of you and bridge up by communicating. Your distance from him can bring up such thoughts. It’s best to clear out things, than to live with stress and anxiety.

3- I strongly ask you to convey the same message to him. The message doesn’t have to be coming sharp or harsh. It’s a simple communication that will help him understand the issues you’re going through. And at the same time, be a listener to his side of the story.
Tummy tucking is not an issue (According to Islamic laws) so to speak, but if you were able to convey what Treasure and gem you have been blessed with at the cost of a simple tummy stretch may make things lighter on both ends. He needs to understand how fortunate he is. You may want to seek some counseling on this for both of you or speak to a person who he would listen to, to convey the same.

4- It may be a worry, but as a woman of the house, the house will run as we set it. Hence, the more you show your obedience to wards the Almighty (az), your children will follow suit. Children learn faster by action than teachings.

5- For this I will suggest you go through the following book:

You may also want to see:

InshaAllah all goes well