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Proposing Early Marriage

Q:

As-salamu alaykum.

I have a question regarding what is the right thing to do islamically and morally in my situation.

The situation is as follows: I am a 19 year old female, starting her second year of college. I have been in a relationship with a 21 year old muslim boy for three years who is starting his third year in college. We are both religious, but we are definitely not perfect. Both of our families are very religious. My family is going to hajj this year and when they return they want to get me married, but the boys’ family is not ready to get him married because they want him to finish his studies before marriage and have a good stable job before he takes on the responsibility of me as his wife. The problem here is both families consent to the marriage but have a different time period for the marriage. My family wants it as soon as possible, even better if it was tomorrow. With my parents going to hajj, they don’t want to come back from hajj and let me continue seeing the boy without being married to him. They are afraid we will commit zina by having impure thoughts or holding hands and likewise.

Having a boyfriend is haram, period. I understand that and I am asking Allah to forgive me and offer salah as well as trying to make amends. Is it possible to go to an alim and do our nikkah so we are islamically married and keep it hidden from our parents? If so, how do I go about my situation? We both believe we are for each other and we see a strong future ahead of us, our families approve as well, its just the timing that is not going well. I got some advise from elders who told me to do our nikkah secretly because no matter what we are madly in love and nothing can separate us. We can deny to everyone in this dunya that we do not think about each other every second of the day but we cant hide that from Allah. Therefore to save ourself, I am considering the nikkah.

A:

Salamun Alaykum

This is a frustrating situation and the best thing to do, even though
difficult is to try to reach a compromise on the time issue with his
parents.

Your young man has to be upfront and frank with his parents and make clear
the nature of the situation which they are probably unaware of.

However, while the issue remains unresolved you have little choice but to
be patient and cease all contact  if you want to respect the boundaries
set by God – in this sabr is the greatest blessing for the future.

With duas

Abbas Jaffer