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Pornography

Q:

My husband likes to look at porn. And sometimes not only normal porn with girls or heterosexual one but I saw that he likes watching shemale porn sometimes too. He also has social media account where he follows many girls, most of them with questionable pictures on their profile. It hasn’t been even a year since we’ve gotten married and our sexual life is great and active. But twice we experienced erectile dysfunction in bed. He smokes too so that could be the reason too. But the porn issue really bothers me. I consider myself good looking but is there a possibility he doesn’t find me that much after looking at this stuff on internet. I haven’t confronted him as it would embarrass him and he would find out that I snooped around and wouldn’t trust me. I’ve tried everything to better our relationship and keep him pleased. And he is very affectionate and we have a good relationship but considering what he does online, it really bothers me, especially the shemale factor. I’m also concerned that it would desensitize him from me more and more. Please advice how should I handle this. I don’t want to stay with a person who has lingering eyes.

A:
Assalamu alaykum 
 
Thank you for your Question. 
Must be hard to play cold turkey. But it does pay off. 
Unfortunately, all the good, smart gadgets were meant to do, also bring in those evil that are quiet detrimental to Humans inner growth. 
I would suggest you do the following things to help him And yourself out of this:
 
1- raise this topic as a general concern in the society and how it has damaged people’s life and love.
 
2- raise the same topic from a different perspective, like parents who are hooked to indecent sites and how their children could be effected while conceiving, after birth and also during thier growth. 
 
3- it’s very important to understand that anything that Allah has specified to be haram, holds a very devastating and abhor effect on the soul. So even if a person was doing an act in privacy, the effect will show it’s colour in the outside too. (This may ring some bells)
 
4- cut down on his screen time. As soon As he has had a few mins on the screen, doing important and necessary things, offer to do something else together. Could be a new couple hobby, exploring, playing games, reading, etc etc. This will make him less exposed to such threats and open new horizons for exploring. 
love melts everything, you are just married, make the most of your life and and be excited in being together. This could actually keep him quiet busy in you than his screen. This would also include chasing and taking interest in his hobby. And if he doesn’t  have one, then help him find one. 
 
I hope this was useful,
 
Kind regards, 
 
Naajiya.S.Jaffery