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Please give me some alternative solution as my parents are not agreeing me to marry a revert ….


Assalam walaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatahu sir
I am in love with a guy. He’s a non Muslim I.e Hindu. It was a mutual love and extremely serious. We were in a relationship or a year. Things went upside down. We did not express this to our parents because we thought our parents won’t accept it and we were scared. One of my classmate is close with my mother and sister and must have told them about my relationship and then We received a blackmail call and a message. It was told to the guy that, to stay away from me. And I got angry and called back the number and texted that number too and I got the reply saying” I am protecting You from evil” the guys parents too received the blackmail call and got furious. And as they checked in the cyber police, it was noted to be my mother. It was actually my mother. I was in deep shock and cried a lot. I could not bare this pain. I wanted to scream at my mother for her activities. I myself never knew this would happen and I was innocent. This was planned by my mother and sister. They told that, they were doing to protect me from the guy. But the guy did no wrong. Everybody has flaws. At one point of time , he was really immature. The guy had many flaws and he was on his progress of changing himself for the sake of Allah and for me. Later then, that guy got annoyed with whatever’s being happening and decided to text my father as he had my fathers number too given by me. My father and he had a meet. My father initially knew we both are in love and before the guy had to express, My Dad had told that this won’t happen. And My guy was afraid to confess the feelings at first but later then messaged my dad and apologized to him telling that deep inside he loves me a lot and he was afraid to confess. Yes I know it was his fault and I got angry with him for being afraid initially and I shouted at him. He felt sorry for it and then he started changing himself on and on. Initially I thought , My dad was neutral about the relationship so I was cool about it.

Actually the guys parents could have been okay about the marriage. But then, because of my mothers activities, His mother was against it as she thought, my mother would never let us live. Initially I thought she had a problem with me. But she had a problem with my mother more than me.

Things got sorted and we wanted to ask for hand in marriage. I thought it could be sorted out so we told our respective parents about this. Since I really thought that dad would kind of be okay with it and wanted to get the guys parents approval, My dad at first called the guys parent and told this won’t work and he told he won’t make it happen at all no matter what. He even begged My guy to block Me on what’s app and calls and kick Me out of the house if at all I comes so that “I” believe My dad. These are the things told by the guy. Initially I did not believe it because I thought My Dad was fighting for me and I too was doing the same while they were the ones rejecting it but then it became the opposite of what I actually thought and it hurts to the core. And for this, I know the guy won’t lie to me too much also. I realized it myself lately. And the guy was forced to not take any more efforts by My Dad and his mom because he respects elders but then I am a priority too. The guys mother told my dad that, “his father has political influence and if he comes to know then we all are screwed and will land up in jail”. This is not true because my guy told me about his father that , even though he’s an advocate, he’s chilled out but then he does not take the responsibility while his mother does. I called up the guys mother and she happen to tell me that this won’t happen because of so and so and so reasons which is not true. She lied to me so that I don’t hate my parents and stay away from them. The guy too made a lot of mistakes but I still loved him and I only want to correct him and he’s realized the faults and he’s changed now wanting a second chance. I agreed to it because I too can’t live without him neither he can. But our parents strictly told not to even think of being together. But it is our decision. Every marriage has a second chance and I believe, we have the rights to take our decision. At least we are not doing a crime.

The guy is ready to convert into Islam, he’s ready to practice it wholeheartedly. I don’t know if he would change the name but that he told me he might change the name after marriage. Also my parents are not accepting him being a revert too. They have seen his faults on me and they want to protect me because I had past relationships which got failed as the men did not treat me well and this is my third relationship but then, he has done many many good things for me. He’s helped me grow more and more closer to Allah. He helped me with studies, he helped me abstain from doing any haraam, he protected me always from the evil. He has always cared for me. We both eagerly want to get married off soon but our parents are making it more haraam by declining the marriage. We explained in many ways but they still did not understand anything. And when I told my dad in regard to mothers activities, my dad was telling its not mothers fault at all. In fact, I even told this to one of my friend and he’s told it’s not my mothers fault. Everyone makes mistakes in life. Every relationship has ups and downs but our parents always expect perfection in spouses. The guy has very good imaan, he’s spiritual, he researched a lot about Hadith, believes in Islam and he’s become much better person through all of this. Even though he’s made bigger mistakes or smaller, he’s changed himself to much better person than he was before. I certainly want to see the good in him and not the bad because I believe, he has many many good qualities. Now that he’s in Coimbatore for job and I’m in Dubai and will be planning to come Chennai and everything just got shattered because of our parents. I keep crying, hurting myself, I took sleeping pills, and I need help. I am depressed. I am 23 and not able to get my freedom. My parents think their choice is always better. And when I get too stubborn, they do things behind my back so I go with it. It’s like putting a dose on the food so I go with it. Since childhood, they pampered me and never let me take my own decisions. It’s only when I keep fighting they had to somehow be ok. It’s not just in the case of marriage. But in the case of many things and that’s why it makes me feel worthless about my life. And when I am taking my decisions, my parents think that I am being trapped by my guy for marriage. It’s not true. They plan things behind my back and make it more miserable and they lie to me too much. Both our parents are beating around the bush. The guy even agreed that it was his fault at some point of time and apologized to my parents but still they don’t want him to get back to me or reconcile things. Please help me what to do.

I hope I get my answers from u here itself. In sha Allah it would be glad to know the answers soon. I personally understood it was everyone’s fault but not mine. It’s not

And I’m afraid I would want to report this to the Indian police and tell them that our parents aren’t letting us get married because in India, it’s legal to get married as we are adults. Is it right to report this to the police? Because nothing really works. And for this , before even telling to the police, I wanted to shout at my parents for trying to lie me and make me feel like the guy is completely bad. But I’m afraid that my parents would sue the guy so I am keeping quiet. They would tell me that the guy is lying and trying to do something. I’m extremely upset with both the parents. The guys as well as mine. I don’t hate my parents at all. I respect them a lot and yes I do get extremely aggressive with them for the way they do things behind my back. I even sometimes regret as to why I even have such parents. I don’t know if they They are even doing things to protect me or not. And if that’s so, then this is not the way. Secondly, the guy is not bad at all. He’s changed. He’s actually a better person than the guys I have seen in my past.

The guy is even ready to revert to Islam and if that’s so, Then I am more than happy. we are afraid our parents would do something to us which should not happen. Please give me some alternative solution if not this.


Wa Alaikum al-salam

thanks for your question

First, if your relationship or relationships was without Nikah and aqd, it was wrong and Haram from the beginning.

Second according to Ayatollah Sistani it is not permissible for a Muslim girl to Marry a Hindu boy (Permanent Marriage – Question & Answer – The Official Website of the Office of His Eminence Al-Sayyid Ali Al-Husseini Al-Sistani 7th question). Islam made it impermissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim with aim of keeping her away from things that may jeopardize her faith. In fact, Islam aims at protecting religion. To achieve this goal, it prohibits a Muslim from being involved in something that represents a threat to his religion. A Muslim woman will not feel that her religion is secure while being with a Jewish or a Christian husband especially as the majority of the People of the Book do not show due respect to our Prophet, Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him).

Also if he converts to Islam because of his feelings for you and not out of research and love of Allah  there is no guarantee he doesn’t go back after a small fight in life.

Third, based on what you said, it seems your parents are concerned about you and (like any parents) they want to protect you, It seems a part of their concern is related to you and this guy. Every parent has an instinct of protecting their child, but when it comes to marriage this concern is increased and in your case it could be even more, maybe because of your past relationships, or maybe because of whatever this guy did to you in the past. They have many reasons to concern about this guy, for example his is not Muslim, there is a big religious gap between you two, his parents, etc.

hence, we will suggest you don’t make hasty decisions. speak to your parents and note down their concerns, put down his parents arguments. get some professional advice from a Muslim counselor.. this will help you understand your issue better. because, it is not a one time decision, it is something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life.

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Sheikh Mahdi Mosayyebi