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Physical Looks (Spouse Selection)

Q:

Islam says to look into behaviour and islamic Akhlaq when we look for our better half. But I am here because I am actually fed up. All that I have experienced is looks, color that has mattered to people so far. I am here to look for some support basically as I think I am broken down to the core. My Salah my nature doesn’t matter actually and it is painful to see parents go through this.

A:
Salaamun alaykum and thank you for your question.
First of all i would like to tell you that i l can imagine you are going through alot and it must be a very difficult time for you. I am sure you will get through it all with the help of Allah.
I would like to mention a few things:
 
1- In sura mulk/2 Allah mentions the purpose of our creation:
 
الَّذِي خَلَقَ الْمَوْتَ وَالْحَيَاةَ لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ أَيُّكُمْ أَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا ۚ وَهُوَ الْعَزِيزُ الْغَفُورُ
Trans: [He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed – and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving –
 
Allah has brought us in this world and tests all of us in one way or the other;  some are tested with their wealth,some with their poverty, some with their looks, some with their spouses, some with their children…. Allah tests us because He loves us, He wants us to grow and reach perfection( which lies in getting closer to Him); just like a teacher who tests his/her students so they can know where they stand and learn by their mistakes and grow.
And Allah tests the people He loves, more so they can grow faster spiritually.
 
2- The second thing is Allah tests everyone according to their capabilites
 
 لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا 
Trans: Allah does not task any soul beyond its capacity.
 
So Allah tests a person according to his capabilities and does not put him through anything he cannot take and bear.
 
3- And those who are patient through difficulties because of Allah will be rewarded countlessly.
 
أُولَٰئِكَ يُجْزَوْنَ الْغُرْفَةَ بِمَا صَبَرُوا وَيُلَقَّوْنَ فِيهَا تَحِيَّةً وَسَلَامًا
 
Those shall be rewarded with sublime abodes for their patience and steadfastness and they shall be met there with greetings and peace. Sura furqan:75
 
Having said that, it would be very wise to look at the situation this way that those who came so far haven’t seen the real beauty inside you, which is your Salah and Nature. So InshaAllah all goes well and a decent God loving man comes along and recognise the real beauty in you. So dont lose hope and have trust  in Allah as He is watching over us.
 
Kind Regards, 
Ask An Alim Team under the guidance of Zahra Davdani.