The World Federation One Stop Fiqh

Ask an Alim

Parents publicly discussing matters leading towards allegations


Salaam I have a complicated question which is causing me and my siblings some distress. Our parents are elderly and suffer from various serious illnesses including cancer which is in remission. Lately they have taken to universally discussing family issues they have with their friends without filter. Due to their age they do get confused with the information they are giving and often present details in a very misleading light. This is leading people to speak and deal with us as if we are not taking care of our parents. We do not feel that we are in a position to counter these allegations without revealing that they are being assessed for psychological illness due to the very hard stresses they have been under. It isn’t their fault or ours. Do you have any advice as to how to deal with this situation in an Islamic way? We feel that privacy of our parents and family is Paramount, however our parents are very publicly discussing matters and people are reacting to it. We are staying silent which was the best way but people are now becoming very vocal. We do not want to reveal details as to our parents issues and feel this is best but is the right way to deal islamically?

Alaykum Salaam,
I read your question and was very delighted to know about your concern to abiding by religious rules, especially issues connected to your parents.
As u know in Islam pleasing parents is equal to pleasing Allah.
In regards to ur issue, you are aware that your parents’ behaviour is due to their old age and sickness and no bad intentions are involved.
To solve this problem I came up with a few solutions:
1. Try and be more kind to them and fulfill their expectations as much as possible – this will lessen their complains.
2. Defend yourselves infront of those people who are confronting you by reminding them that they are your parents and nobody is concerned about them more than you.
3. Ask a couple of your friends whom you trust to speak to your parents after every few days and remind them about your positive qualities and the things you are doing for them. Maybe this will help in removing the negative and unpleasant thoughts from their minds.
4. If none of these work, dont lose your hope in Allah swt. Those things that are done for Allah swt will never go waste and unanswered. If He is pleased with you, others pleasure doesnt really matter. It is He who gives us izzat (honour/respect), therefore if ur obeying Him then He ll never belittle you infront of people.