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Forced Marriage


Salam, I have questions regarding getting married.

(1) How much parents should be involved in selecting a wife for their son.

(2) What kind of right does their son has in regards to selecting a wife for himself.

In addition to that I would like to share my part of life. I have been in connection with a girl for about 4 years, we’re classmates and then we got in touch with each other. We did not meet for once ever. Long story short, I have little info about Islamic strictness that our connection was haram and all. We stopped it and I sincerely ask for forgiveness from Allah all the time for that. My concern is that my mother is forcing me to marry her sisters daughter and putting a lot of pressure on me about that. And when i say that i respect your opinion but I cannot get along with her so please do not force me. But in return, all i got was abusive behaviour and statements like “I have ruined their life If I’ll marry of my choice and how could they face the society”.

So: What are the advises that I could benefit from and what Islam says about parents behaviour as such and also what Islam says about a son approaching parents and showing his desire.


The decision of marriage is a big decision in one’s life. To involve the parents, given their vast experience, is a wise decision one can opt for. However, a mature boy (of a legal age) has no such strict obligation to consult the parents. In this particular case, I would suggest that you speak to your mother and try to discuss pros and cons of her proposal. Convince her with proper reasoning why you are looking for another case. You should win her heart by your words, actions and reasoning. At the end of the day, the least you want is to indulge in something at the cost of dissatisfaction of your mother which is not advisable either.

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