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Not good relations with Father


My father hasn’t supported us (Four Children of him) not morally or economically. We have taken economical help from our maternal family in major issues like my sister’s wedding and brother’s surgery. He left our home so that nobody asks him for any sort of help. As the difficult times pass he came back home. Our home is financed by my maternal family and in the name of my Mother. I don’t talk to my father except necessary. Because when anybody talks to him, he starts abusing and all! I am facing rejections on many stages of my life. Does my professional life have to do anything with my personal relationships? Even if I tried talking to him that leads to a new clash even very normal things. I have been in severe stress because of him. What to do? People around me make me realize that no matter what he do to us. I have to be good with him I can’t do this. Please advice…


Waalykum salam 

Thank you for your Question and sorry to hear about your experience
It is true that no matter what, you should respect your father.
Their position in our religion is very very high to the extent that whenever Allah talks about HIS right, he talks about the rights of parents right after!
E.g. sura Israa:23
(( your Lord has decreed that you shall not worship anyone except him, and (He has enjoined) kindness to parents. Should they reach old age at your side-one of them or both- do not say to them, “Fie!” (Uff), and do not chide them but speak to them noble words. Lower the wing of Humility to them out of mercy, and say, My Lord! have mercy on them just as they reared me when I was (a small) child))
Also, in the same Ayah above, you can see that Allah dislikes the smallest word uttered in from of parents out  of disrespect!
It is true, that it can be very frustrating and difficult to balance this, but it is doable. Usually silence pays off and avoids all the follow up quarrels and yelling.
Disrespecting parents, is a grave sin, whose consequences are such that the human shall see it in this world and the next.
InshaAllah that things are solved and you’re able to enjoy him. One of the best thing you can do is make a lot of dua.

Kind regards,

Naajiya Jaffery