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Need help to take a decision، should I leave my husband….



I have been going through very tough phase of my life. I have been married to a person since 7 years and have 5 yr child with him. My husband has been hitting me sometimes, he might have hit me say 5 times in these 7 yrs, he keeps on commenting on my character and is disrespectful and has consumed drugs sometimes in these 7 yrs, he had history of taking drugs long before the marriage. I am an independent women and I have been the major bread owner of the family. If I ask about money, he considers as an insult and takes it to his ego. Keeping all this in mind, I really love him and we have spent very good times also together; enjoyed together. And just because of this feeling I never thought of getting separated. However since the time my family got to know about his drugs , they are insisting me to get separated as there might be no future for myself and my son.

looking at my history , I have done many mistakes in my history. I have failed 2 relationships prior to this marriage and have been a reason for my parents shame. I somehow wanna get this relationship work, as I have fear of being alone in my future and in case I get somebody also, there is no guarantee that the new person will be better or will be the same.

what should I do, is it ok to give him a chance to become a better individual and start our life as a new beginning or should I just follow what my family says and get separated.

to add here;I have come to my mom’s place now and my family doesn’t want me to talk to him as they say that there is no point in talking to him , only letting him talk to my son. Currently I see 2 different behaviors in him, sometimes he is very angry with me and starts abusing and shows off that everything is ok with him and he doesn’t care and sometimes he keeps on asking me as to if I am planning to come back. But as of now he hasn’t requested me to come back or has any regret on what he has done.

but before I was traveling, he did join his hands and requested me to not go, but since both the families were involved, I could take back my decision and had told him that I need sometime to think and he can earn money and come to take me back. But soon after I reached here, my family told me to stop talking to Him and so I feel he is angry with me.

please help me. I am unable to take a decision


Salamun Alaykum

Thank you for your query.

I am sad to hear that you had gone through such a difficulty but it doesn’t mean there is no solution to it.

It is the responsibility of the husband to earn and run the family and pay the maintenance of wife and children and not the wife.

You should speak to him about drugs and if he will be using it again. If he says yes, then you can think about the other option. But if he agrees not to use it anymore, then you both can live a happy life since you both love each other.

Your parents can also speak to him that you are seriously worried for him for using drugs (after marriage and before too).

As you mentioned, that he requested you not to leave, this shows that he loves you but continuing should only be with compromise and speaking about the issue for the future of your family and son.

By the time you receive this answer, if you are still at your parent’s house then take your time and decide it with your family. Separation in the first step is not the solution. Make sure first you speak to your husband and see if he is ready to live without drugs and keep you and your son happy. Also, your parents can speak to him if required, to be certain that he is ready to live a loyal and trustworthy life. If your husband doesn’t agree to leave drugs, then he must consult a Psychologist or Psychiatrist to carry on with you. A direct consultation would really help. If you have scholar in your society you can ask him to visit the scholar and get guidance even if you have to go with him.

Your husband must work and earn for his family (that is you and children) as Allah(swt) has made the man, head of the family so he can provide the provision. And he must accept that he would never use drugs.

After speaking to him and discussing all the matters and if he agrees to change then you can live together and see if things go smoothly.

Allaho A’alam

May Allah(swt) grant you success


Syed Haider