The World Federation One Stop Fiqh
Search
Menu

Ask an Alim

NaMahram – Illegal Relation

Q:

My sister’s having a relationship with a guy!! She chats with him daily!! Only I know that in my house! I’ve warned her but she isn’t listening to me ! I’m completely frustrated what to do!! Please suggest me what to do!!

A:
Salam Alaykum,
Unlike western media portrayal, out -of- wedlock relationship least survive and leaves the couple in emotional trauma especially the woman. 
You can help your sister  by first of all trying to build a good rapport with her.  People in this phase would simply hate those who nag them and keep on reminding them of their wrongdoings.
  Infact, they might repel altogether and show quite the opposite behaviour.  You certainly dont want your sister to get into trouble, do you?!
Then you can find out for yourself as well as her, about the boy she is having a relationship with.  If he is good enough for her, then talk it over with her to make her tell the boy to officially propose her.  Challenge her that if he is honest enough in his love for her, then he should be serious about wanting to marry her also.  Women usually feel more secure that way,  so it is much likely that if you are polite and reasonable with her, and discuss things logically, she will abide by your instructions and ask the boy to officially propose her so that their relationship can be announced in the open.
  If however he doesn’t, she will come to realize herself about his dishonesty.
All you can do in this case also is to maintain a good rapport with your sister and probably use some other person who is close to her to mediate and gently explain her the dangers of getting invloved with the wrong person.
You can always handle people who are out there to unnecessarily pry at other’s lives, by defending your sister.
 You can tell them that you are seriously looking into the matter and would like her to get married and settled with the right man of her choice. Try to resolve the issues you have between you and your sister.  Also take advice from an elderly wise and experienced person of how to go about it.  
InshAllah this problem will be solved if you are seriously concerned and  want the welfare of your sister.
 
Salma Alavi.