Ask an Alim

My wife is cheating on me with an excuse of fights with my mother and sister…..

Q:

Dear Honorable Mufti / Alim Sahab,

Assalam O Alaikum,

I would like to keep my identity hidden for the case I’m presenting you is little shameful therefore I created odd email address just for this purpose. Mufti Sahab I got married almost 12 years back with one of my sister’s friend and you can say that it was a ‘love’ marriage because both of us concent was intact. I was in London at that time and my wife to be was in Pakistan. I came back in 2005 and we got married with our families concent. My wife started having issues with my mom as it happens to almost every house in subcontinent and world over normally. I been the only son with four sister’s (all married) tried mediating in between them and told off and fought over my mom and wife where and when ever needed. I being disturbed, had a bit gap from my wife because every time I got closer she had nothing to talk about other than complaining about my mom / sister’s and rightly and wrongly maligning them, I obviously used to feel suffocated in that unhealthy atmosphere. I did always listen to her but when she used to be rude and cursing so I used to have fights with her. After sometime I found out that my wife was involved with some guy, living in UAE through phone and email. We had terrible fights over it and first she outright lied about it and sweared on Qur’an wrongly and later put blame on me that my ‘negligence caused her to go on wrong ways’ I have been to really traumatic conditions in these four years baring it all alone, once my mom had the hint of it, there after she’s mentally disturbed about it too. My wife got caught up by me at least thrice at those days and kept me in silence after swearing that it wouldn’t ever happen again. I’ve been keeping reminding her that never go near such sins, for we have to face the consequences of such actions in Aakhirat. Lately in this month I have couple of times again heard her having secret conversations with some guy but every time I’ve managed hearing her secretly, it never have been a filthy talk, I mean sex related but the ordinary ‘i love you’ and other junk of this sort. So it doesn’t clearly indicate that on what level she’s corrupted. One more thing to point out here is that she generally goes out on weekend nights at her colleague / friend’s place for night stay telling me that I can not live all seven days with your mum. I have been bearing all this alone yet but have shared this time with her gutless parents by texting it all to her father. He didn’t care responding and texting back to my this gravest call. I am a very God fearing person with little heart. I can not take a decision to divorce her, first because of Allah Kareem’s hukm of Divorce being the worst in Halal things, secondly I don’t have a big enough heart to take such a big decision and probably inside me I can not imagine living my life without her because I am such a devoted husband. I need to ask what shall I do in this condition, I feel myself to be absolutely helpless. She again took oath on Qur’an that she would not repeat it again but I have already told you her history. Kindly guide me through Shariya’s hukam / ruling about such grave crises and kindly do keep me in your prayers. Jazzak Allah Kher.

Wasallam O Allaikum Wa Rehmat Ullah e Wabarakatahu

XYZ

Lahore, Pakistan

A: