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My wife is always complaining that I don’t love her enough.



My wife and I have been married for 1 year. We have a baby girl now. I live in the United States and she lived overseas all of her life. Since we got married she loves me so much but she’s always complaining that I don’t love her enough. I give her everything she wants and I never disrespected her ever or hit her at all. I also love her so much, but my definition of love is respect and care when she needs me. I really can’t find out what she wants for her to be convinced that I love her. As a result she keeps making problems and when she does she disrespect me and my family a lot, but she never disrespected my parents in front of them. When she was giving birth her mom couldn’t come because she couldn’t obtain a visa. I was next to her and I helped her a lot, but because I have a full time job it’s really hard for me to stay up all night and go to work the next day. When I used to tell her this she used to get mad even though I think it’s fair for her to stay up if needed because she doesn’t have a job and she’s home always. Now I sent her back home to her parents so they can see her daughter and sometimes I get busy and I don’t call her for a long time. She gets mad and she always says that she hates me and she doesn’t want me and that I’m not what she always wished for. She disrespect me so much with things I can’t really mention, but after I calms her down she normally tells me that she said everything she said because she was mad and that she loves me a lot and can’t live without me. I know she loves me but she gets mad a lot and she keeps telling me that she doesn’t want me and she want me to devolve her and lately she’s involving her family when she’s mad. I’m really not sure what to do to stop this and make her respect me because respect is really important for me. When I respect her and I don’t curse her or yell at her when she’s doing that she calls me cold and that I don’t care. I’m stock and I tried everything including punishing her by not talking to her. I don’t do that for so long because I’m always worried that she will talk to her parents and knowing that she’s spoiled they might actually talk to me and be on her side.

Please help me as soon as possible. It’s really effecting next and my life. I thought i would have Someone to support me and be happy that I’m successful at work but my wife is sending me back because she doesn’t get that I’m working for her and my family. She doesn’t appreciate what I do for them and she disrespect me and ask for a divorce almost every week. I’m tired of it and I don’t know how to stop it. I’m scared if I tell her that I will divorce her that she will actually go ahead and do it.


Wa Alaikum al-salam

thanks for your question

We must hear her side of the story as well, so consulting with a therapist is strongly recommended.

Maybe her definition of love is different than yours; you must show your love to her in a way that she could understands it. So Find her love language, and try to express your love to her through that language, instead of using your love language for her, your definition of love is respect and care, while her definition is something else like verbal expression or gifts or order to find her you can ask her about it or pay attention on things she does for you, (because usually we use our definition of love to show it to others as well).

We will strongly suggest you make this communication between the two of you and probably make an understanding from before that you won’t yell or scream while talking and clarifying for one another. this will remove the big hinderance on your side and you will be able to focus on the main problem inshaAllah.

May Allah swt ordain and increase affection and mercy between you two.



AAA team under the guidance of Sheikh Mahdi Mosayyebi