The World Federation One Stop Fiqh

Ask an Alim

My wife cheating on me


Asalaam alikom wa rehmatullah e wa barakatu

Respected Brother,

I have a problem for which i want your advice and for sure the solution is with Allah SWT. Actually i Married to daughter of my father’s sister (my auntie) and i like her since before but she didn’t know that before coz i wanted to do it halal that is why i asked my father to go and ask for her hand from her parents i.e ( my auntie and her husband).

So make it short they agreed and after they agreed i asked the girl also if she is agreed or not but that time she said she is talking with some other guy but its nothing so serious between them and so on ..

in short she agreed as well and i passed it on thinking maybe its just a amateur feeling and nothing serious as she said and after few years we got married..

first two years of our marriage we were really very happy she used to always smile and happy but after that two year i found out that she is still in touch with that guy through phone and social media since we live in abroad and she belongs to our home country and that guy is also there so I confronted her and ask her that, why she is doing all that? ..

then she replied that she is sorry and she was afraid that the guy may harm him self or her family thats why she continue that relationship with him even after marriage but she promised that she will never do it again.

So i forgave her and forget about that after a few time and she was also looked normal but yet she did it again one day i get back from work early and found her talking with that guy on phone with all charm …

this time i didn’t say anything to her coz i know if i confronted her she will close the phone and pretend she is not talking to anyone so i hacked her phone just to collect enough evidence to confront her ( i know its tajasus and its a sin ) but i had no other option left ..

then after that i found out that not only that guy but she is also eager to be with him…

then i confronted her again but this time she even got angry on me saying why you hack my phone and all that…

then it go on with some arguments but finally she settled down and once again made promise that she will not do it again and i forgave her but still she keep on doing it again and again.

So from that time i let it all on Allah SWT and i did my saber patiently but now its reach to this point that she keep on insisting that she wants to go to her home country even though she don’t have anyone living there now coz almost all her family also is shifted abroad only one of her sister is living there..

So the meaning is clear that guy over there is insisting her to come and she is insisting me to send her but how could i send her after knowing all that and she is like always angry to me and not talking coz im not sending her… and its almost been 3 years, soon after she became pregnant with my daughter. she didn’t even let me touch her self and not sleeping with me in bed since 3 years..

And i never involved my family and even her family in this coz firstly i heard a hadith that husband and wife should not share their secrets with others and should hide each other’s flaws..

Then secondly i don’t want anyone of my family or her family get in tension or be worried coz my parents and even her father is old and always sick what if something happened to them after knowing our problems?

And let me tell you that i am good looking guy with a decent job Alhamdulilah and i never drink, smoke or any other bad habit like girls or clubbing or anything all my time after work i give it to her and my family.

And believe me brother wallahi i never raised my hand on her and me and my family we kept her very well taking care of all her needs and even what ever she asks i get her right away coz i love her and i don’t want to loose her or divorce her coz that will not only affect me and daughter but even will affect both our families mine and hers ( who are also our relatives coz she is my aunts daughter) and i read that divorce is also most hated by Allah SWT in permissible things.

But yet still she is doing all that again and again.

Now my questions are:

Q1 : am i committing a sin by being patient and keeping my saber and not doing anything about it but just doing tawakal on Allah SWT after knowing all that?

Q2 : i don’t want to divorce her or loose her coz i love her and it will affect us as i mentioned so please tell me a middle means of solution?

Please brother do reply me. I will be waiting for your response.

And sorry in advance coz i will be sending this same message to all means of your contact list coz i want it reaches you.

Your brother in Islam


Waalykum salam Brother

Thank you for your Question

I’m sorry to hear about your experience and the ordeal you’re going through.

1) it is important for a Muslim to understand the meaning of Tawakul. Tawakul Is done after you have taken all
Measures, have adopted all possible solutions and then leave the outcome to the Almighty (swt). What you are doing is not Tawakul. It is simply leaving the matter as is. Hence there is no patience there.
I suggest you take some serious steps to save your marriage and solve your Other issues related to it.
The first step would be to speak to your wife on a very serious note. And get some answers and commitments. This time’s commitment shouldn’t be like the past ones, in-fact, while committing This time, she herself should choose the next step of action if she did went back to the trait.
You too should let her know of your logical action plans that are to follow if she continued.
In the hind side, you must seek some help from a counselor or local Aalim to help you plan out your actions. Mind you, by action plan, I’m only emphasizing on how to save your marriage and family. This matter cannot be left, rather it must be attended to and solved.

2) Speaking to a scholar, counselor or a wise family member will immensely help you through your problem. You must attend to the problem.

On a side note, from your writing, as you have mentioned yourself, you’re a family man. This is a big plus. But when speaking to your wife for the issue, you may want to find out if she has any issues with your marriage or yourself. This will help you get to the core of the issue and InshaAllah you’re able to solve it.

Good luck