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my mother wants to separate from my abusive father

Q:

Assalam o alaikum,
I want to ask an advice from you. My father has never bee n a good person. He used to torture my mother mentally. He used to always taunt us that he is making us study. Except for our school fees and food he never provided us necessities of life. He used to fight with his colleagues and boss always and lost his job multiple times. His career has never been stable. Now I have started working after graduation. He firstly used to take all my salary. Now i have started hiding some money for my necessities.He is not working from 2 years. He now forces my mother to take money from my khala. She always gives him money. As my salary alone is not enough. He says that he cannot work and now if he gets job then he does not go. He keeps laying on bed all time and takes rest. My mother and my little siblings are very worried. Is it fair for him to treat us like money making machines. He does not have any major health issues also. Please guide us what should we do.My mother once asked him to do job and he got so angry. Before i started earning he used to abuse us verbally openly.My mother now wants to leave him

A:

Wa alaykum salaam

I sympathise with your situation and pray that Allah sorts out all your problems inshaAllah. My humble advise towards you and your mother would be the following before you and your mother take the step of separating from your father:

1. Please try and find out the reason as to why he doesn’t want to work anymore. There might be some social, psychological or … reason for him doing that. Once you find the reason, try and sort out that problem.

2. Do try and talk to someone elderly or a person whom your father respects to convince to abandon this behaviour.

3. Please do consider the effects of divorce on the younger siblings. Many a times the young ones are bullied psychologically or socially when there is a break up in the family. So please do consider all the consequences before the step towards divorce is taken.

4. Would suggest that If you can take a professional help from a professional psychologist or counselor who might give more insight as to why such behaviours occur.

5. Do keep in mind that he has provided for the family financially all these years and maybe he is expecting that now is his turn to rest and retire. If you can very politely convince him that you need the extra money and the need for him to work.

6. It would be good for you to find him a job in which he is interested in. I will give you an example of a very friend of mine who was in a similar situation. What my friend did was he talked to the mosque management if they had any part time job and because his father was a mosque regular, he willingly took up that job and somehow the family problems became lesser.

7. I would recommend you and your mother should seek sincere help from Allah.

Ayatullah Behjat used to say that praying on time and constant istighfar will sort out all problems.

Waking up at night just before fajr prayers and talking to Allah and requesting Him to sort out your problems does miracles.

In the end, the decision is entirely yours and your mother’s, but always keep in mind that whatever decision you take should be a decision with which Allah is pleased.

Regards
Sukaina Taqawi.

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