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My mother is toxic

Q:

My mother is toxic. She makes me cry all the time and it feels as if I’m useless. She makes a huge fuss out of a small thing. Makes me study all the time. She never gets happy even tho i get 1st position every year. She’s very sensitive,bossy and strict. I dont even talk to her but still she makes me feel bad every time i talk to her. She makes me feel as if I’m hurting her even tho i dont say anything. She’s demanding and i feel very lonely. WShe suffocates me so i stay away from her. What should i do?

A:

Wa alaykum salaam

I sympathise with you on your difficulties, for the status, importance and role that mother plays is a major role in everyone’s life. Her love for her children and her selflessness towards them is known to everyone.
Thus, when we see a different attitude from her, there must be a reason behind it.
She may have gone through difficult times in her past or knows no better and feels that this is the best way to be a parent.
Despite her strictness and harshness, whatever the reason behind it may be, she does what she does out of love, probably believing that this is the best for her child.

Though this may seem like the opposite of what you would like to do, my advice to you is to not just bear with her but go one step forward and try spend time with her, talk to her lovingly, be kind to her. By connecting with her you can help change her behaviour.
If you think it would help, you can suggest some sessions to visit a psychologist as it would help you a lot.

I know this is asking too much from you especially as you are young and full of emotions but this act is very valuable infront of Allah and there is no doubt that you shall be rewarded abundantly even if you don’t achieve the expected result.

Daughters treated badly by mothers

Regards
Sukaina Taqawi.