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How do I deal with an abusive mother?


Assalamalykum aga
Someone had a question & wanted answer from Rehbar e moazaam.

What is the duty & how to deal if someone come across below problem.

A mother abuses , insults , screams at her children if she dislikes if children’s says very politely about her anything doing wrong.she insults at her children even in front of others too.
And in normal cases also she does not speak properly with her children.
She has 2 children one daughter & one son.
Son is living abroad , mother does not want to go abroad , so she is living alone in her native country.
Daughter is also living abroad too from when she got married.
Mother is a widow & she does not love any of her children.
Nor daughter nor son instead use abusive
Tone & language with them .
If children’s call her to talk to her , she just keeps complaining & grumbling & shouting.
Daughter has some limitations, she cannot do more because of her husband & in-laws at her home. She calls , goes to visit her mother yearly . But it’s very hard for daughter because of the mothers behavior with her.

Son is living abroad, mother does not want to go abroad. Mothers behavior is very bad with son too.

1.How should son discharge his duty to his mother.
2.what is the duty of a daughter.



Waalykum salam

Thank you for your Question

so we only contact Sayyid Khamenei’s office for Fiqh related question and since your question is more Akhlaq related, I will try my best to explain what I can.

It’s important for a Muslim to know the status and position of his parents and also his responsibilities towards them.

Kindly find Rights of a mother on a child on the following link:

in your case, what’s quiet vivid is that your mother is for sure going through some underlying condition or situation that results into making her behave the way she is. Otherwise, we find mother’s to be more compassionate and loving towards their children especially if they are far or leave away from her.
if you’re able to track down the cause of her behavior (in like cases we have seen depression and anxiety) then help her treat it. Indirect help will be ideal like asking someone else she would listen to, to help out. And InshaAllah you Will gradually see her change.

If you’re unable to track down the reason to the behavior then just try to make her happy as much as you can. Just keep on reaching out to her and bear with her as she is at the end of the day your mother. In the situation where you can’t do much to help her or yourself, try your best to keep you calm and please her and know that Allah (az) knows of your efforts and struggle. And you must keep on reaching out to her and try your best Into doing so as it is obligatory upon one to do so.

kindly refer to the link below for like questions asked before