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My husband past is bothering me


Aoa, i got married 5 years ago. Talked to my husband for 8 months before getting married. When we were talking we both asked about past relations and he said he only had 2 thats it. But occasionaly i kept asking him as people said he was a play boy etc but i never believed anyone but still would ask him if it was true. Last year i found pictures of girls on his laptop(who were his friends) he used to use them to masturbate. We had a huge fight and he promised to tell me all the details. 4 months later he started opening up and told me all about his past.(skimmed information, which i dont mind at all) I respected it. Few days later i found a very innapropriate conversation of him with one of the girls. (Which gave me a picture of what kind of relations he had) I got upset and we fought again but still chose to give the relation another chance. He swore that he wont lie again. (as he said we both will be honest and we’ll tell each other everything). We got really close in these few days but Last night he confessed again that he lied about 1 girl (which i can tell he really loved) he still chose to protect her and not be honest with me. Im so hurt and frustrated. I dont think i can trust him ever again. I know it seems as if im judging him but i dont have a problem with what he did i just wanted him to be honest with me. I only asked for one thing in this relationship and again and again he broke my trust. Im devastated. I dont know what to do. I told him he didnt have to tell me the details of what happened (he couldve said there was something that hallened with that girl, which i cant tell u out of respect) but he lied again. I doubt everything he says now. There might be so much he lied to me about. I dont trust him at all. I dont know what to do. Please help. Thank you.


Assalamu Alaykum

Thank you for your Question.

I’m sorry to hear about your situation and the hurt you are going trough Right now. however, I must mention that as a spouse, one is not obliged to discuss his/her past with his/her better half. All that is gone before marriage is gone, and no one needs to be confessing about them to one another. More so, because one is only answerable to Allah the Almighty. Hence the best thing for past mistakes is repentance.

Regarding the one last story, was it before or after marriage? If it was before, please consider the first paragraph and also that he is trying to be honest and finish of all stories. (He maybe fearing to loose you by telling you everything). Either way, he is aiming at being sincere and start afresh.

And If it is after marriage , then you both need to seek some counseling and resolve all issues.

InshaAllah all goes well, in the mean time please speak plentiful to Allah (az) and also set aside some charity. Reading dua from Sahifah al-Sajjadiyah will be ideal. you can refer to the book on following link: