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My Father’s Behaviour

Q:

Assalam alaikum

I am completely fed with my father’s behaviour. M 23 now. Since my childhood i noticed that my father dont respect my mother. Although she is very tesponsible in her work but my father never admires her. She faced insult always specially when some guest are in our home or in any occasion. Nowadays he became more than before. Just because this i lost my self confidence along I am having mental problem these days.

Please please please reply me with positive ideas.

A:

Salaam Alaykum.

Given your situation ~ Try to analyze the root cause of your Father’s reaction or
attitude towards your mother. Most likely your parent was raised harshly himself and
doesn’t know how to act any other way. Accept that reality and learn to value
yourself, no matter what anyone says.

You will have to be strong and independent in spirit. You will have to find
validation of your worth within yourself. You do have worth, after all. You are as
unique and beautiful. You are special and gifted and you will need to realize that
on your own, even in the face of your current situation.

Seek your support from Allah.

“And We have certainly honored the children of Adam and carried them on the land and
sea and provided for them of the good things and preferred them over much of what We
have created…” – (The Holy Quran, 17:70.)

It doesn’t matter whether you have accidentally stumbled upon a rare disagreement
between your parents or if they fight in front of you constantly or if there is
disrespect among them or from either of them ~ either way witnessing such an event
can be upsetting. Keep it from doing serious harm to both your self-esteem and your
relationship with your parents by following these steps:

  *   Speak with your Father in this case about how his attitude affects you. It is
best you can do this to make him realize how you feel!

  *   Stay confident. Don’t let this issue get in the way of how you feel about
yourself. Try to say a couple good things about yourself and believe in yourself.

  *   Remind yourself that this issue will end. Slowly but surely, it will end.

  *   Approach your parents when you and your parents are ready. If any of you need
a longer, cooling down period, then allow that time to pass before you try
speaking with them.

  *   Give unconditional respect to your Mother. So to say that Respect your Father
too but do Remind him that his attitude towards your mother is not a just one.
This is not the time for a long drawn out discussion. A simple phrase such as,
“Can you please not treat Mum like that ~ at least not in front of me” will
suffice.
Stay confident.<http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Confident> Remember, each fight has a
conclusion and none of it is your fault.

  *   Don’t let the situation at home distract you.

  *   If you need help in dealing with your emotions because of your father’s
attitude, speak with an adult you trust. Make sure that the adult you choose to
speak with can remain objective on this subject. For example, if Grandma often
expresses her distaste against Dad (or Mom) she may not be the best choice to talk
to about this.

The best thing you can do is work on yourself, find who you are, be an individual,
and immerse yourself in your interests. The best gift you can give to your parents
is doing your best and trying your hardest to be happy and make good decisions for
yourself.

Allah loves you and has a plan for you. Believe this and move forward, and when you
are with your spouse and children, shut down the cycle of negativity. Show your own
children patience, gentleness and endless love.

May Allah bless you and fill your heart with self-knowledge, self-dignity, and hope
for the future. Ameen

Zaheera