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My faith in Allah is trembling. I am lost


Please read this. I have written my whole story. It’s a bit long but please read it with patience and help me.
I am zubair from India. And my story is something like this. For the last 12-13 years nothing is seeming to go what i have planned and now it’s been so much that I am loosing faith in Allah and Ahlul Bayt (AS). I had two requests which i constantly made from Allah (SWT), Ahlul Bayt (AS) and especially to Mola Ghazi Abbass (AS). I wanted to have a job and get married. But whenever I liked someone Allah removed that person from my life and never made me feel regret or loosing that person and i kept going on. I wanted to become a doctor and for that i went to study abroad but due to the troubled situation in the country i had to leave a restart my education after loosing 5years of my life. Still i didn’t complained to Allah. And now I have completed my post graduation and wanted a government job. The chances were there but then some new laws got introduced and i wasn’t able to get it in the city i lived. And during this time I was in a internship training and where I met the person whom I thought would be the one. I wanted to do nikah with her. Anyway things progressed on and in my native hometown I job I was looking for came and i was the only one qualified for the job. So i prayed to Allah and Ahlul Bayt (AS) especially to Ghazi Abbass (As) for the person I love and for the job i seek. Meanwhile I started to work in a private company and things were going on slowly but i never lost my hope. I prayed namaz, Tahajjud, Amal, i never lost my hope, charity, sadaqah, nazar e abbas, nazar e Hussain etc. I made a promise to Allah (SWT), Imam Hussain (AS) and especially to Ghazi Abbass AS that I will do whatever in my power to help anyone who will ask of me. I did everything i could. And then the unthinkable happened. The person I loved with whom I wanted to marry left me and went with someone else. The person whom I asked Mola Ghazi Abbass AS to keep his blessings on us and never seperate us. That person was taken away from me. After that I kept doing my job and kept praying for her and for the job i sought in my home town. And then suddenly out of no where it felt like a miracle and i was called by the department to meet for the job. And the chief of the department said that they will keep me untill the organisation is fully developed and then they will transfer me. And in between the call and meeting i had to wait for more then 10 days and since i was called on a urgent basis i couldn’t intimidate my company office for a leave make me absent from work for more then 10 days and i had to resign but that was not an issue since i had got the dream job i was seeking. But the paperwork was going to take some time so i waited and continued to pray. But this time since i had no salary i couldn’t give as much to the needy as I used to but still I did whatever i could.
And now it’s been 8months since i lost the person I loved but I can’t forget her neither i have stopped praying for her and wanting her back. And it’s been 3months since i am without a job and the job which i was seeking was taken from me and the department says it will take 6months to a year to finalize everything and then maybe i can get it. But by that time I will cross 33 and i won’t be eligible.
I took some money from my friends and some loan company as there was a time I needed some i repayed by working some remained but i was like i will pay when my salary will come. But now I don’t have that either.
In Qur’an Allah (SWT) says Ask and i shall give. He promised in the book of truth and yet i asked and i lost everything.

So please sir tell me what should I do. I lost every person that I felt connected. I am alone, can’t marry because i have no job, can’t start a business because i don’t have enough money, can’t pay back my loans as i am in debt. I job that I was doing was lost and the job i was seeking was taken from me. I can’t go back to my previous company as they won’t take me. Can’t start a new job because there is none in my hometown and i have to move out and start from scratch but the salary won’t be enough as rent and other expenses are more then whatever salary i will be given. The person I wanted to marry was taken from me and given to someone. Infact for the last 12- 13 years Allah took away every person and everything i asked from me.

So please tell me how should I keep my imaan when i have nothing left. Why I believe in Allah when despite going through all this I thought he must have written something good but that never came. Even at this age i have to ask money from my younger brother and my parents for survival.
Every time I asked. I asked with sincerity. I know my heart used to tremble when I asked Allah, when i asked Ahlul Bayt (As). Our Aalim says go to Alam e abbas and ask him by saying “Oh the one who used to remove sadness and tension from Hussain’s (AS) face. I ask you for your borther Hussain (As) sake please remove the tension from my life and grant me for whatever i ask”. Did everything in my power yet nothing. I asked but was sent empty. Infact for the last 12-14 years whenever i asked for something or someone exactly the opposite happened. Now it feels like i am broken. I have nothing left to give. I have started to loose faith. I feel like ending my life. When for all these years my prayers went unanswered. Whatever I did something comes up and it’s taken and given to someone else. So please tell me with all this happening in my life how can I keep my faith that still it will change. I am empty inside. I have no friends no one to talk to and the one i thought listens to everyone seems like he has forgotten me and doesn’t like me. It feels like i should end my life. So please help me and tell me what to do. Because i might end my life if things kept going like this and i would die like an atheist.



Waalykum salam
Thank you for your Question

I wonder why you say you have lost everything when you still have the most powerful being with yourself.. Allah (az)

It is true that you haven’t been able to secure what you like but then that doesn’t mean it was snatched away from you.. it just simply means that it was never meant to!

Allah is keeping you away from a greater loss. You may fail to look at it that way but then that is the reality.
Don’t look at yourself alone like that. Most of go through this phase where we feel everything is right for others except me!
Allah loves Everyone and it is only I who is suffering

To be honest brother, all of us are in a struggle because no good comes out of comfort and desire. In simple words “no pain, no gain”

Hence, hang in there, the mercy of Allah has totally surrounded you, all you need to do is trust him!
At times we are going through a rough road because Allah (az) wants to show us our own strength and capacity. Looks like you are a very strong person and all you have to do is continue and trust in Allah (az)

Things that don’t come your way or stop on the way.. weren’t meant for you In the first place

Also, having suicidal thoughts is not healthy. You must seek some immediate counseling

InshaAllah all goes well
Recite sura al-yaseen every morning after salat al-Fajr

Best wishes