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My beliefs are getting weak day by day….

Q:

I need to give a little background. 5 years earlier, I used to love someone, asked him to marry me but he was intrested in friendship only. I loved him wholeheartedly so I did istekhara. After some time my feelings changed and Allah removed him my life even I wanted to pray wazifas for him but just couldn’t. Afterwards, a man come into my life I tried very hard to keep myself away from him but just couldn’t. Meanwhile we became good friends and mutually decided to get marry. At first, I was not ready wholeheartedly but eventually said yes as my mother and friends convinced me so I accepted him as Allah’s decision but still I couldn’t love him the way I used to love the person before. Almost 2 years earlier, He tried very hard but his parents weren’t agree due to difference of caste. He asked him to perform istekhara and result came negative according to them so they get him engaged to the one they wanted which was from their family. I couldn’t resist and performed istekhara myself twice afterwards my feelings changed as I could find myself more attracted towards him, started to love more than ever infact I never felt this before to anyone hence I started to perform a lot of wazifas which I never performed for anyone else. Infact I don’t want to think, talk or even look anybody else’s photo. I have been trying for approx. 21 months now while in between my parents tried very hard to find a suitable match for me but only rishtas came and left. I am being very impatient now and couldn’t interpret the result as if istekhra has a negative impact then how did I could perform wazifas also frequently I am having dreams. I also tried to get answers from quran but all the answers came from allah postive
Which inturn against to rhe reality so making my beliefs weak day by day Please help me even my mother and my mother’s sister have been praying for me.

A:

Alaikum salam.

Non-Mahram friendships are not permitted in Islam, no matter how much one may try to justify themselves as being simple freinds or having pure intentions between each other.
Shaitan has promised to mislead the believing men and women who interact in this manner.
I advice that you should seek repentance for these illegal relationships before starting any prayer for any matter. Allah swt will accept your tawba if it is done sincerely inshAllah.
As far as Istekhara for wanting your choice of partner when he is already committed is concerned, im afraid this isnt valid anymore.
I assume that what you mean by wazifa is extra dua or prayers like salat al lail for the fulfilment of your wishes.
Thinking about this boy specially if he is not willing to do something about it himself is quite useless.
Praying for the breakup of him with his fiancee would also be the wrong thing to do.
As far as still wanting to get married to this
Boy, it might be late for you because he is already committed himself to someone else.
Your shaky belief is actually due to the interpretation done out of the istekhara.
If youre sure he wants to get married to you, then he should do his part and explain his parents that he would be more happier with you than the girl he is engaged to before spoiling the poor girls life. If he is sure about this matter, then both of you would not need any istekhara.
Istekhara is usually done when a person wants to decide upon a matter whilst he or she is totally confused.
At times we need the help of a pious scholar who can tell us the answer of the istekhara done using the Holy Quran.
The method of istekhara mentioned in our narrations of Ahl.bait a.s is a dua to be recited along with a two set of prayer, then asking Allah to inspire us with the right decision.
it is also not incumbent to follow the answer you get from the istekhara which might not be interpreted in the absolute way that is meant for you. Infact, it is only Allah sw.t who is the All Aware of the right interpretation if done by the Holy Quran.
If you would like to be certain about his opinion of whether he is still interested in you, then you could find out through involving an elder member like your aunt who can explain the boy’s parents about your situation. Islam allows the girls parents to respectably go forward and propose the boy for marriage. They could also explain that an istekhara should only be done when there’s a matter of confusion. Atleast you will see the truth that comes out of all this and be able to continue your life or get over it if things don’t work out.
The best you can do to improve your situation is to keep your faith as strong as you can and plead to Allah to relieve you from these kind of misconceptions.
Try to continue with your life by praying to Allah s.w.t to grant you the right spouse who will turn out to be better than what you ever thought.

If you keep on whilst having patience and are steadfast in your belief, whilst praying for the best to happen, then it will for certain inshAllah.

Regards
Salma Alavi