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Molestation and sin


Assalamu alaikum.
My friend is extremely worried and close to losing her mind. I know we must never expose our sins but I have to say this on her behalf. She was molested between the age of 5 to the age of 12. And could never escape these men whenever they took advantage of her. None of them were close relative, but distant family friends. After being molested she would allow her sister to touch her to gain pleasure when she was about 15/16 and thought her sister would want the same, though she’s never done this to anyonelse. She acknowledged her mistake when she got flashbacks of the abuse she went through. She was diagnosed with clinical depression 3 years ago. She apologised to her sister for the wrong she did, but worries her sister will get flashbacks of what she did to her. She cries for her sister all the time and has recently calmed down a bit seeing that her sister isn’t scared to be in her presence. She makes a lot of dua for her because she learnt from therapy, that women can become addicted to sex if they are molested with, completely removing the sacredness that is attached to it. Or, freeze and remove themselves away from men altogether. The body cannot trust men, unless they do therapy. What should she do?


Wa alaykum salaam

Your question evoked a lot of feeling and I wish the world was empty of such men who have no pity for children.
But being in this world, people have to go through lots of difficulties, oppression and trials and at times these oppressions make a person feel depressed and they tend to lose hope .
However, every incident has two sides, a dark one and the bright side. It all depends on how we look at every situation.
If we look into history, in the incident of Karbala where oppression was at its peak, Hazrat Zainab (AS) (sister of Imam Hussain (AS)) is heard saying “I see nothing but beauty”.
She said this because she could see the spiritual reward Allah SWT would give her in return for her patience and tolerance.
Dear sister, I realise the pain your friend had to go through and the thought of it is painful. I also realise the after effects of this incident are very deep and some are irreversible, but if your friend wishes, she can turn this into her strength. She can help and educate those girls who are in similar situations like hers. She can teach them to become strong and not repeat the mistakes she did.
Whatever your friend did, she did out of ignorance and nothing was done purposely and Alhmdulillah her sister is fine and has no serious problems.
Your friend cannot change her past but she can make her future bright.
With all this, she should never forget Allah SWT. Whatever she does should be for Him. He is always there for His servants, He loves them, rewards them and protects them.
If sometimes we find ourselves in problems, it is not because Allah SWT doesn’t care for us, it is because He wants to give us better in return.

We are praying for your friend.

Sukaina Taqawi.