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Marrying a non-Believer

Q:

Assalam walaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatahu sir I am in love with a guy. He’s a non Muslim I.e Hindu. It was a mutual love and extremely serious. We were in a relationship or a year. Things went upside down. We did not express this to our parents because we thought our parents won’t accept it and we were scared. One of my classmate is close with my mom and sister and must have told them about my relationship. and then we received a blackmail call and a message. It was told to the guy that, to stay away from me. And I got angry and called back the number and texted that number too and I got the reply saying” I am protecting u from evil” the guys parents too received the blackmail call and got furious. And as they checked in the cyber police, it was noted to be my mom. It was actually my mom. I was in deep shock and cried a lot. I could not bare this pain. I wanted to scream at my mom for her activities. I myself never knew this would happen and I was innocent. This was planned by my mom and my sister. They told that, they were doing to protect me from the guy. But the guy did no wrong. Everybody has flaws. At one point of time , he was really immature. The guy had many flaws and he was on his progress of changing himself for the sake of Allah and for me. Later then, my guy got annoyed with whatever’s being happening and decided to text my father as he had my fathers number too given by me. My father and he had a meet. My father initially knew we both are in love and before the guy had to express, my dad had told that this won’t happen. And my guy was afraid to confess the feelings at first but later then messaged my dad and apologised to him telling that deep inside he loves me a lot and he was afraid to confess. Yes I know it was his fault and I got angry with him for being afraid initially and I shouted at him. He felt sorry for it and then he started changing himself on and on. Initially I thought , my dad was neutral about the relationship so I was cool about it. Actually the guys parents could have been okay about the marriage. But then, because of my moms activities, she was against it as she thought, my mom would never let us live. Initially I thought she had a problem with me. But she had a problem with my mom more than me. Things got sorted and we wanted to ask for hand in marriage. I thought it could be sorted out so we told our respective parents about this. Since I really thought that dad would kind of be okay with it and wanted to get the guys parents approval, my dad at first called the guys parent and told this won’t work and he told he won’t make it happen at all no matter what. He even begged my guy to block her in what’s app and calls and kick her out of the house if at all she comes so that “I” believe my dad. These are the things told by the guy. Initially I did not believe it because I thought my dad was fighting for me and I too was doing the same while they were the ones rejecting it but then it became the opposite of what I actually thought and it hurts to the core. And for this, I know the guy won’t lie to me too much also. I realised it myself lately. And the guy was forced to not take any more efforts by my dad and his mom because he respects elders but then I am a prirotity too. The guys mother told my dad that, “his father has political influence and if he comes to know then we all are screwed and will land up in jail”. This is not true because my guy told me about his father that , eventhough he’s an advocate, he’s chilled out but then he does not take the responsibility while his mom does. I called up the guys mother and she happen to tell me that this won’t happen because of so and so and so reasons which is not true. She lied to me so that I don’t hate my parents and stay away from them. The guy too made a lot of mistakes but I still loved him and I only want to correct him and he’s realised the faults and he’s changed now wanting a second chance. I agreed to it because I too can’t live without him neither he can. But our parents strictly told not to even think of being together. But it is our desicion. Every marriage has a second chance and I believe, we have the rights to take our desicion. Atleast we are not doing a crime. The guy is ready to convert into Islam, he’s ready to practice it wholeheartedly. I don’t know if he would change the name but that he told me he might change the name after marriage. Actually I did not force him to think about this desicion because, it’s his personal choice and in Islam I believe , there’s no compulsion in religion. As long as their deen and ikhlaq is good. He himself was so deeply interested in Islam and made this desicion. Also my parents are not accepting him being a revert too. They have seen his faults on me and they want to protect me because I had past relationships which got failed as the men did not treat me well and this is my third relationship but then, he has done many many good things for me. He’s helped me grow more and more closer to Allah. He helped me with studies, he helped me abstain from doing any haraam, he protected me always from the evil. He has always cared for me. We both eagerly want to get married off soon but our parents are making it more haraam by declining the marriage. We explained in many ways but they still did not understand anything. And when I told my dad in regard to moms activities, my dad was telling its not moms fault at all. In fact, I even told this to one of my friend and he’s told it’s not my moms fault. Everyone makes mistakes in life. Every relationship has ups and downs but our parents always expect perfection in spouses. The guy has very good imaan, he’s spiritual, he researched a lot about Hadith, believes in Islam and he’s become much better person through all of this. Eventhough he’s made bigger mistakes or smaller, he’s changed himself to much better person than he was before. I certainly want to see the good in him and not the bad because I believe, he has many many good qualities. Now that he’s in Coimbatore for job and I’m in Dubai and will be planning to come chennai and everything just got shattered because of our parents. I keep crying, hurting myself, I took sleeping pills, and I need help. I am depressed. I am 23 and not able to get my freedom. My parents think their choice is always better. And when I get too stubborn, they do things behind my back so I go with it. It’s like putting a dose on the food so I go with it. Since childhood, they pampered me and never let me take my own desicions. It’s only when I keep fighting they had to somehow be ok. It’s not just in the case of marriage. But in the case of many things and that’s why it makes me feel worthless about my life. And when I am taking my desicions, my parents think that I am being trapped by my guy for marriage. It’s not true. They plan things behind my back and make it more miserable and they lie to me too much. Both our parents are beating around the bush. The guy even agreed that it was his fault at some point of time and apologised to my parents but still they don’t want him to get back to me or reconcile things. Please help me what to do. I hope I get my answers from u here itself. In sha Allah it would be glad to know the answers soon. I personally understood it was everyone’s fault but not mine. It’s not And I’m afraid I would want to report this to the Indian police and tell them that our parents aren’t letting us get married because in India, it’s legal to get married as we are adults. Is it right to report this to the police? Because nothing really works. And for this , before even telling to the police, I wanted to shout at my parents for trying to lie me and make me feel like the guy is completely bad. But I’m afraid that my parents would sue the guy so I am keeping quiet. They would tell me that the guy is lying and trying to do something. I’m extremely upset with both the parents. The guys as well as mine. I don’t hate my parents at all. I respect them a lot and yes I do get extremely aggressive with them for the way they do things behind my back. I even sometimes regret as to why I even have such parents. I don’t know if they They are even doing things to protect me or not. And if that’s so, then this is not the way. Secondly, the guy is not bad at all. He’s changed. He’s actually a better person than the guys I have seen in my past. The guy is even ready to revert to Islam and if that’s so, Then I am more than happy. we are afraid our parents would do something to us which should not happen. Please give me some alternative solution if not this.

A:

Assalamu Alaykum 

Thank you for your Question. 

There are alot of dimensions that need to be covered in your situation. 

1) According to Islamic law, a girl (woman) cannot marry a Non-Believer. in this case you aren’t going to go against just your parents, Rather Allah (az) himself. 

2)Also, according to Islmaic law, a girl (virgin) cannot marry without her fathers consent. 

3) Marrying a revert is perfectly fine. but kindly refer to this link for better understanding https://fiqh.world-federation.org/question/marriage-with-a-convert/. in your case he isn’t a revert yet. 

4) in your writing above, in many places you have used Islamic terminologies that dont really mean that. for instnace, “We both eagerly want to get married off soon but our parents are making it more haraam by declining the marriage” your parents arent committing any Haram by declining the marriage. There is no Haram or Halal involved into declining or accpeting a Marriage. (unless ofcourse there are some special condiitons, and in your condition, there isnt any.) kindly see no.1 again 

5) Your understanding of compulison in religion needs a bit of explanantion. you see, initially, there is no forcing someone to believe in Islam, but once he does, and becomes a Muslim, he must comply to all the ‘do’s and dont’s”. One cannot choose to follow parts of Islam that suits him and leave out what doesnt . hence, this fellow cannot be forced to revert to Islam, but if he does, He is obiged to Follow Islam as a complete way of life. 
 

in a nutshel, you need to seek some counseling from a person who understands our religion well. There are alot of other things that needs direct addressing (from what i read from your Question).

inshaAllah your issue is solved and you’re able to make a correct decision. 
your parents hold a very lofty position and their un/hapiness means alot to Allah (az) 
kindly refer to the following links for futher read of your parents rights on yourself, starting from no.22 

https://www.al-islam.org/sahifa-al-kamilah-al-sajjadiyya-imam-ali-zaynul-abidin/treatise-rights

kind regards
N.S.Jaffery