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marriage crisis



I am  married since 7 yrs I’ve been a very cooperative wife, I do all my house chores, clean my husband’s shoes iron his clothes give him breakfast and each and everything I manage on my own I even gave him all my savings as I am very loyal to him but from the day one of my marriage, He never appreciated me ,he used to insult me infront of his family I spent 5 yrs with his family through that time ,everyone insulted me there but he never took stand now that I’m living with my parents at every weekends I went to see my in-laws even now my mother and father in law do something that hurts me ,My request to my husband is that make your parents realize but he never listened to me these things makes me mad and I fight with him in return he gets angry on me I feel so helpless why doesn’t  he have any feelings of responsibility towards me on the contrary his brother’s wives are getting due respect from their partners and in-laws because they took stand for them they don’t even do their husband’s work like I do, even after giving birth to my babies, I took care of My husband more then my kids but he’s always complaining and never appreciates me nor praises me, If I scold my babies he abuses me in front of them, I feel like as if I’m not more than a servant to him my only fault is I shouted whenever he didn’t get my point whenever I ask him anything he’s busy with his cell phone he had his thumb print as mobile his code ,my mother in law is very happy as he’s very obedient to his parents never questions them about their behavior, why is it different with me then the other two daughter in-laws sometimes I feel like I am trapped as my kids are small they need both parents but now I am tired of fighting for the same cause since 7 yrs I need his support love and care which he never showed for me and he always said this that I am like that I  am not expressive at many times. He said to me I don’t keep you in a separate house as you fight a lot and if something happens to you it  is because of  your anger , blame will be on me He doesn’t care whether I live or die. I feel like leftover in his life as he’s concerned for his family.He    charity to those in need but in my case nothing works please help me What should I do as my anger is just because of his behavior if he ever stood by my side I am not mad to shout always. What he sees is my bad behavior he overlooks my good things. Please suggest me What should I do.


Waaalayum al-Salam

Thank you for your question.


Marriage is a very holy knot that’s tied to love and understanding. There may be misunderstandings in the knot (and it is quite healthy and expected). However, what makes them insignificant is again; the love and understanding. Love and understanding are also laid on many other things like loyalty, respect, compromise….etc

From your email, I can tell that you have been quite loyal to your husband. However, if the other aspects are missing, then you are not going to get your desired result. It’s impossible to wait for output without the right input. And I feel, that is exactly what’s happening in your case.

Sister, Men have egos. And anything that tarnishes or shatters it, will completely ruin his personality. From your query, I can tell that you love your husband and are expecting some respect in return. Which is quite fair. But on the hind side, your husband is not receiving the respect in the first place to do that same to you. Whenever someone screams at the other, it shows that the former is somehow in a higher position and looking down upon the latter. In your case, using your anger, you’re showing your husband that you are higher and he is in a lower position. Such that, if you don’t yell, he won’t listen or do as you wish.

While your husband may be wrong not to support the truth when his family make a mistake regarding you, that does not entitle you to get angry at your husband and shout at him. In fact, when someone else (even if his parents) is telling you off, he may be finding it quite normal and to him, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Because you do the same, you love him and yet shout at him..

I will suggest you look at the situation this way:

You’re a loyal wife and your husband is too. You both love each other. You want him to respect you and he is looking for the same. So, all you need to do is convey the same to him without using means of anger or unhappiness. Show him that love and respect in the first place set a good example, and support him. Keep away your negativity and let the charisma of being good and positive show in him. While this may take a while to show, but its all worth it than living in an unhappy state of mind.

While you are at it, explain how important it is to show respect to one another and forgive each other for anything in the past. Begin afresh and slowly build strong foundations. Agree to tell each other’s mistakes in private and not to ever yell at each other. Especially in front of children. If possible, you both should seek some counselling.

Sister, if you’re unable to control your anger then you must see a therapist. It is good to get some advice as that will immensely help you. More so, because you have young children.

Make dua in plenty and vent out to Allah. After all, everything is in His capable hands.

InshaAllah everything goes well.
Take care