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Marriage consultation – marrying my cousin

Q:

salaam

I got a marriage proposal from ( my cousin) . ill be as simple as I can get, so please help me through my decision.
he is working, memorized Quran, but his thinking and his family thinking is very strict in islamic teachings, the way that makes u scared or feel hatred towards the religion, I wouldn’t call them closed minded but they are very strict and for example while traveling they don’t eat cheese, oil, and are very afraid of eating anything. There was problems in the past with my grandmother and their grandmother in the past, my mother is refusing the marriage but she says I am not dispointed of you, she just disapproves of the marriage and think I deserve someone more flexible,
I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to go against my mother but she is a very hard person to deal with and she refuses any proposal we get she claims “she doesn’t feel comfortable” but she prayer istkarah only once.
guide me please

A:

Alaikum salam
If you think your cousin is a suitable spouse for you, then it is upon you to convince your parents. Abiding by Islamic laws means bringing peace and harmony to all around you. If you cannot handle how they practice their religion, then find put more whether they are right or just being extreme. This will make it easier for you to decide. Unfortunately, what people consider as flexible this day and age means taking lightly the laws incumbant on one to follow eg observing Hijab, free mixed gatherings even if it be with a work mate, skipping the daily prayer, etc. As far as eating halal, this is one important thing that plays a role in the makeup of ones soul, which is a path towards perfection or regression. Bearing in mind the pros and cons, think carefully and discuss this with someone who knows about the path of moderation in following ones religion.
Although eating packed and industrial stuff from outside country is not Haram, its a matter of choice for those who wish to avoid it for the sake of precaution, which is not wrong at all. Of course it should be done on a personal basis and one should not enforce this to those around him be it their family or not. Taking all these considerations on account, you dont even need an istekhara, unless you are confused on the matter. I pray you make the right choice inshAllah.

Regards
Salma khalfan.