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Marital issue

Q:

Assalamoalaikum

I have been having some trouble with my marriage recently. I live with my husband and his family and my husband comes home late from work at 10 or 11 in the night. Then he goes and spends time with his father and his brothers for about 2 hours usually. This is something that i don’t mind but the problem is that he usually comes very late to our bedroom and is usually either tired or gets busy with his mobile phone (his business calls usually continue late into the night and he has a sort of addicition to his phone). Added to this my husband, though he does love me very much, he has a very absentminded personality and i am usually left feeling ignored by him. He often does not reply to me when i address him usually out of this absent mindedness and all of this has overtimemade me feel like i am not of much importance to him, though he says otherwise.
Overtime all this has added to a sense that i am not interesting enough for him to want to talk to me and this has taken a toll on my self esteem and my emotional state. I’ve often ended up breaking down in tears in front of him asking him to be more attentive towards me. But this is a repeated cycle thats making me very tired.
Plus his family has a very male dominated system where women are sort of not as important as the men and overtime this has taken a toll on me intellectually and emotionally. I am an educated and rational person and if I am staying at home and taking care of the house and children it is because this is what has been obligated on me by my Lord swt not because i am a lesser being.

I dont know what to do. Getting angry and fighting with him is only adding to my sins. Reminding him has no effect. He just doesn’t change. What am i supposed to do?

A:

Assalamu Alaykum.

Thank you for your Question

Kindly refer to the links below for like questions

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Also from your sentence below:

I am an educated and rational person and if I am staying at home and taking care of the house and children it is because this is what has been obligated on me by my Lord swt not because i am a lesser being.

You are not “obliged” by Allah (az) according to the shariah but ethically it is expected out of. Loving mother and wife to look after her family and cater for their need and comfort.
I thought of penning down the above to make you understand that you may not have Shariah obligations towards what you do for your little family (“like looking after the children and house) but since you still do it, Allah will take this act as your appreciation towards the gifts He has blessed you with. And eventually He will bless you with a lot more. And one of the things will be your family’s appreciation towards your sacrifice, love and effort. And InshaAllah that Day is not far.
Now imagine how high must your Lord be thinking of you!!

Regards,
N.S.Jaffery