The World Federation One Stop Fiqh

Ask an Alim

Islamically is Separation a thing?


I have been married for 15 years and have 4 kids with this man. Since 2018 things have been rocky due to me finding out about his Infidelity and previous affairs. I tried everything to patch up things between us. He wants to do Nikah with the woman he cheated with. In the past 4 years after finding out about his affair he has physically abused me twice (one time I was pregnant) emotionally abused me, degrading me infront of his family and continued having a long distance relationship with that woman

I can’t perform my physical duties with him anymore due to him still being intouch with his girlfriend and is keen on doing Nikah with her

Islamically is Separation a thing? Will Allah SWT forgive me for not performing my wife duties. What are my options?  I can’t be with a husband who is not willing to cut ties with the woman he cheated with. Would appreciate some help with this. JazakAllah


Waalaykum al Salam

Thank you for your question

I’m sorry to hear about your ordeal and I can imagine how difficult it must be on you.
It is not permissible to abuse anyone in Islam. Especially domestic violence is a crime and should be dealt with immediately.

I will strongly suggest you first speak to himself and see what he has to say. Tell him about your discomfort, sadness and trauma. Explain him about the impact its going to have on your children. You must express your concern and worry without getting worked up. Do not use anger for expressing your worry. Keep your calm and send across the message. And most important of all, the relation with this woman, even if long distance, is haram and Allah (az) does not recognise it. So more than just being answerable to you by abusing you, he is first answerable to God Almighty and you can let him know of that too.
In the meantime, speak to his  family about his behavior and how he is ruining his current life with it. You must get some extra support. Maybe one of his parents or siblings will be able to help him.

You may also want to seek some help from someone who he will listen to. An elderly or a local scholar?! The person can intervene and explain him about the danger his actions can entail.

Sister, I know that you’re in a very tough situation. And I want you to know that; while divorce is definitely a solution in Islam, it is the last halal solution that Allah has kept as an option. Allah dislikes it but has made it halal so that no-one suffers unnecessarily. Therefore, one should make use of it, if s/he has failed all other solutions and has no option left. But before getting there, I will certainly suggest you try all the ways that are there (and are not haram) to save your marriage.

You must also speak to your own family so that you can have more moral support. Your children are the ones that can suffer from this and you must try your best to support both of you.

In the end, I will suggest you speak to Allah (az) in plenty. After all, all the affairs are in His capable hands and we must grasp on to His mercy. Dua Tawassul and ziarat Ashura is always a comfort and will give you a lot of courage and help.

Take care of yourself -Mentally and physically- and get immediate help.

In my duas