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Is marriage obligatory for a deformed man?

Q:

Asalaamu Alaykum.
I’m interested in finding out what islam says regarding marriage for those who are deemed ugly by society because of a physical deformity. I myself have this problem and my friends and family are right on my case about me getting married and having kids now as im 26. However the problem is i don’t want to marry a girl and deprive her of the chance to marry a normal looking guy as she might end up resenting myself and indeed our marriage. Also any kids i have will be affected by this as well so that’s my dilemma. I want to get married and have a family, especially when i see other happy families but i’m also trying to protect any potential future family from the disappointment of my deformity. Does Islam harbor any leniency regarding getting married in a case like this.
Jazak Allah Khairun

A:

Wa Alaykumussalam

Thank you for your question

 

Marital life is an innate need of every human being. Allah, the Almighty, has created a suitor for everyone. The Divine system allows human beings to find their partners themselves and spend their lives fulfilling the necessities of life. Allah, the Most High, has granted man superiority over all other creatures. Accordingly, the laws and issues of the married life of man are different from all other creatures.

Allah has greatly emphasized on marriage in the life of an individual. Holy Prophet (saww) has considered marriage among those traditions (sunnah) that “one who turns away from it is not a part of his nation”. Marriage has been regarded as “protection of half of faith” and “the prayers of a married person carry seventy times more reward”.

Islam encourages people to marry. Nowhere in the Qur’an or Hadith it is said the essential criteria for getting married is to be handsome/beautiful rather the main criteria for getting married is Taqwa. Allah(swt) says in verse 13 of Surah Hujuraat (إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ أَتْقَاكُمْ  ) which means “Indeed the noblest of you in the sight of Allah is the most Godwary among you” which clearly shows the criteria in the sight of Allah is to be God-wary. A person who has taqwa(Godwary) is the one who is nearer to God. Nowhere it says the person who is handsome or beautiful is the one closer to Allah. There are so many handsome/beautiful people in this world who go against the commands of Allah. So, this is clear the main criteria is to gain piety to get the proximity of Allah(swt).

 

The criteria for a marriage should be God consciousness (Imaan). The main criteria for selecting spouse should be the person’s level of Imaan and not beauty or worldly property.

Imam Sadiq(as) said: If a person keeps criteria for marriage as beauty or money, he will not get either of them; on the contrary, if one keeps Imaan as his criteria for marriage, Allah will write in his fate both beauty and money.

 

Marriage becomes wajib if a person falls in sin such as masturbation. How can a youth save himself from Haraam in this era whereas the faculty of sex has been given to be used in the Halaal way?

Therefore, never get dishearten due to not being normal looking. If you have Taqwa and are pious and God-wary that worth more than the beauty of this mortal world.

Allah (swt) has made the marriage, a strong bond between a husband and a wife to reach the proximity of Allah(swt). In order to reach those spiritual levels, husband and wife should have good relationship between themselves as they are referred as a “garment for each other” in the Holy Qur’an(Surah Baqarah/187).

 

I will quote some of the ahadith regarding marriage.

The Prophet (saww) said:“No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage.” 

On another occasion the Prophet (saww) said: “The best people of my nation (Ummat) are those who get married and have chosen their wives, and the worst people of my nation are those who have kept away from marriage and are passing their lives as bachelors.”

Imam ‘Ali (A.S.) exhorts: “Marry, because marriage is the tradition of the Prophet (saww).” The Prophet (S) also said, “Whosoever likes to follow my tradition, then he should know that marriage is from my tradition.” 

If you see other families happy, you also have the right to have family and a prosperous life. Therefore, never let shaitan overcome you with that question rather get closer to Allah(swt) by praying 5 times a day on time, reciting Qur’an and staying busy in good deeds. And start finding a good practical girl.

 

Please read:

Marital Life: Importance and Issues: https://www.al-islam.org/marital-life-importance-and-issues

Sexual problems of youths: https://www.al-islam.org/sexual-problems-youths-naser-makarem-shirazi

 

May Allah(swt) grant you success

Wassalam,

Syed Haider