The World Federation One Stop Fiqh

Ask an Alim

Is it permissible to talk to a namahram with the intention to know him


Last summer I met a man in another country through my family. He brought me closer to Islam from when I observed his lifestyle and manner. He is the first person I have met that has so much love for Islam. We do not talk much, but over the year maybe every 2-3 months we ask about each other’s well being in a small groupchat and talk about Islam and current issues in the world. My brother used to be in this group chat but he is not anymore. And it is just us two left there alone. Still, we talk maybe once a month on the groupchat now about Islam, current affairs and our family. I can tell we both have feelings for each other but are modest and do not confront this or talk about one another. I feel because I am just starting university, and he still is to stabilise himself, it is too early for me to tell my parents that I am considering him for marriage. I want to be able to know this person more, before I mention him to my parents. I also want him to visit my country and home to see what we are like here first. Is it permissible for me to carry on how I am going and get to know him more & give us time? Or should I tell my parents? What should I tell my parents? (I am nearly 20 years old and he just turned 24)


Salaamun alaykum
Thank you for your question

What is the Islamic law on chatting with a non-Mahram keeping in view that they discuss only ordinary topics?

All grand jurists: If it is feared that their conversation may entail evil and they may end up falling in a sin, it is not permissible.

So the above is the ruling of all the maraaji.

And in your case as you said that you both might have feelings for each other, so it would be best to discontinue talking to him or if you are serious about each other but cannot get married right now, then the best option is to talk to your parents about him and you can get a temporary marriage done until both of you are ready for the permenant marriage so that atleast you are mahram to each other and have no fear of falling into a sin.

And there is no problem in asking the boy to come visit your country so you and your parents can meet him personally and then make a decision.

And another point I would like to share with you is that talking to a person helps us to know him/her better, but just to a certain extent, one shows his/her real self when they start living under the same roof, so that is why it is pointless to continue talking to a person with the excuse of getting to know him/her better.
However, if you spoke to your parents and they allowed you to speak to him for a certain number Of siting just so, that you’re able to tell if you’re both ready to consider one another, then there is not harm in it. During these sessions, while continuing with your modesty, you will be able to ask all your questions that you may have for a suitor. These sessions will limit to the same purpose and further speaking will only continue if you’re both sure of marriage and families have been involved in. (Ofcourse with temporary marriage to make it all Halal- as mentioned above)

Hope and pray everything works out to what is best for you. Ilaahi aameen

We wish you all the best.
AAA team. Under the guidance of Sr.Davdani