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Is it necessary to do istakhara before marriage?


I am a dentist and masters in biology. i earn 50,000 rs. everything seemed fine until i encountered a brand new problem called istakhara. i recieved families of girls confidently and behaved well. the girls family agreed but after a few days rejected me because the istakhara didnt come well. im surprised that how much you , allah and the prophet have made life for us people difficult. this is the second time i am being refused on the basis of istkhara. i have stopped praying and dont seek gods guidance anymore, i feel all my education has gone to waste. my whole family is religious but they are all being tormented by this islamic thing. i was considering suicide. should my old mother stop looking for girls because somone is going to do another istakhara and as a result i may never marry? should i leave islam because all religious people are conspiring against me?


Salaamun alaykum. Thank you for your question.

I am sorry to hear about your situation and i hope and pray you get the best life partner InshaAllah.

But let me ask you a question, when you were pursuing your career, didnt you ever face any kinds of difficulties? And did you ever decide to leave your studies because of the difficulties? No.. because you had a goal to reach.

In the same way Allah has brought us in this world for a reason(to get closer to Him). If your goal in life is to get closer to Allah, no matter what difficulties you face, it will not stop you from getting closer to Allah.

Patience and perseverance is what has made great people GREAT. No one has become successful in life without having to struggle and practicing patience. An example related to your example is of imam Khomeini. He was rejected multiple times by his wife but he never lost hope and ultimately, he was accepted and went on becoming such a great personality.

We have to keep in mind that this world is full of difficulties. And difficulties make a person stronger so they are a blessing in disguise.

Our prophets and imams have gone through the hardest of difficulties but that did not stop them from getting closer to Allah rather it made them even more closer to Him. These are all tests from Allah.

And take what you are going through as a test from Allah amd ask Him to help you get through this test

ان مع العسر یسری

After every difficulty there is ease.

One important point to keep in mind is that sometimes we have to realise that what we want is not always what is best for us. Rather its sometimes what we never want becomes the reason for our happiness.

I would like to add one more point and that is sometimes we misunderstand some concepts in Islam. Istikhara is not endorsed in Islam as the way you have mentioned. Rather the best meaning of istikhara is explained by the 4th imam in sahifa sajjadiya dua number 33.

I ask Allah to help us all through our difficulties as He is the sole helper and keep us from going on the wrong path.

Zahra Davdani.