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Is if possible to marry without parental consent?

Q:

Is it possible for a women to marry without her family’s consent in some circumstances?
My family, although supporting me financially, pay no attention to my mental/emotional health and have even been the cause of a lot of my trauma and distress (yelling at, dismissing feelings, caring more about societal reputation, manipulation, etc basically emotional abuse).
If the chance came then, and I wanted to marry someone that I chose without arrangement would that at all be possible? My parents would not approve of it only because of difference in race or their reputation (it not being arranged) (he would of course be Muslim I know that’s a rule).
I’m fearful of marrying someone they choose as they don’t seem to really understand not care for what would be in my best interest and at one point in my life I contemplated suicide so I wouldn’t have to get married at all because of this. (I’ve also mentioned being suicidal and depressed to them and got told I was selfish/attention seeking rather than helped). If possible please don’t say something along the lines of accepting the man they choose etc. I know Allah guides us in life and arranged is preferred but I’ve also seen way too many women who have done arranged and are miserable in them and I don’t want to end up like that.
What do I do? Am I supposed to give up my own happiness?

A:

Waalykum salam

Thank you for your Question.

I’m sorry to hear about your Situation.

Marriage is a very important mile stone. A person needs to make a very good decision Into choosing a partner to be able to lead a successful married life.

According to the Islamic law, Marriage without a woman’s consent is invalid. Meaning, if she is forced into a Nikah, it will be invalid. But if she did live with the man after a forced Nikah, That NiKah will be counted as valid.

Also in regards to girls who aren’t married and virgin, the following is the ruling:

Ruling 2395. If a girl wishes to get married and she has reached the age of legal responsibility (bulūgh) and is mature (rashīdah) – meaning that she is able to determine what is in her interest – and she is a virgin, and she is not in charge of her life’s affairs, such a girl must obtain the consent of her father or grandfather. In fact, based on obligatory precaution, even if she in charge of her life’s affairs, she must still obtain their consent. The consent of her mother or brother is not necessary.

To view all the conditions and rulings on the same, kindly refer to the link below:
https://www.sistani.org/english/book/48/2330/

Also, you must seek some counseling. You need to get some professional coaching so that you can balance out your feelings and actions. You may also want to speak to your local scholar.
Suicidal thoughts are unhealthy and a person must seek immediate help.

Another thing I’d like to bring your attention to is that, from your writing you have generalized that, most if not all, arranged marriage have ended up in misery. However, this is not a solid enough reason for you to rule this out from your options.
Of-course this Does at all mean that your are forced to take it up as an option but chances are 50-50 that you may end up with an extremely successful marriage with this too, just like any love marriage would end up being unsuccessful.

Before I wind up, I’d like to mention that, my dear, it is best to leave your affairs to the ONE who has All power in HIS hands. This does mean we should Not do anything rather, we must Do and adopt all ways Possible to our legitimate goals and the leave the rest to HIM. We must pray!
Legitimate goals will include all those that’s Allah (swt) recognizes as Halal while illegitimate will be vice versa.

I pray for the best for you
And may you always be successful
Kind regards,
Naajiya Jaffery