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Irrational Mind and Dead Heart

Q:

I am a muslim my birth. And I have come across so many doubts and so 1 I started to read the Quran and read salath with a lot of importance and I was happy but at that time I was having very little knowledge on Islam and there was no doubt and  one night I got a doubt that the Quran has not been  perfectly preserved. And doubted many things after that. And whenever I see a scientific miracle in Quran I really feel good and my iman rises up but after sometimes I start doubting in that miracle and that’s how it starts and I know it’s my mental problem but not the was- wasa of shaitan. I feel that this makes sense but this is not helping and I fear that I don’t deny the signs and collect the wrath of Allah and the I feel like how many miracles do i need to become a true believer,I fear that is this a diseases in my mind that I don’t become a true believer .And when I see people converting to Muslims then I feel that even they r coming closer to Allah but my heart does not do that.I fear that if this miracles and signs in the universe is bringing  them to a conclusion that there is No God but Allah they why don’t I get guidance from this ,I feel like I have lost the rationality of my mind .I fear that if I assume like the atheists .And I have become a blind assumer like atheists .I want to be a true believer but why don’t I receive guidance like them ,why don’t I see signs in the creation of Allah ,I fear that I have lost certainty and my heart is dead for my sins .I have a diseases of Assuming .Even if I see a miracle I get happy but at the back of my mind I assume that it is not a miracle and it’s the same thing that is happening with my faith, I assume that I am a believer. I need help I really need help .There was a time I fought for certainty but now I fight for the assumptions that I have .is hard to explain. I see videos that atheist r liars I know it with a bit of logic but I don’t get the lesson from that which I shud be getting and I feel like I am missing something form it .I see a scientists changing to a Muslim but my heart doesn’t gets happiness I don’t get guidance from them .and I feel bad because they come to the right path with a heart returning return but I neve understand. I want to see signs from universe and worship Allah with strong certainty and love all Muslims. I don’t want to assume that this is not true .I want a sound mind which can understand the signs of Allah .I fear that even if the signs in the universe is not helping me ,then what will cause my heat to be a true believe. I need rationality in my mind, certainty .How can I bring that ? I don’t want to be a person who denies the sign’s of Allah

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