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Intercast marriage in Islam.

Q:

Aslamwalequm,
My name is MOHAMMAD , I am a muslim (QUERESHI) I like a girl who is 2year older than me , because she is very islamic and after friendship we both have done quality IBADAT, ROZA AND QURAN RECITATION.Before she was not good in NAMAZ , QURAN AND ROZA , but she became regular and now she is too regular in deen she asks me also to read Salah on time.

So I asked her that we both have a thought in our mind. Why shouldn’t we marry if we like each other for sake of Allah. We became good muslim after meeting each other.

But we were scared of our parents to disclose but when we disclosed , her parents got ready to give their daughter to me in Nikaah , because they said if my girl likes you due to your good deed,  I am ready to give.

But My father is not ready too accept her because she is RANGREEZ MUSLIM and we are QURESHI MUSLIM , SO he is worried about society and cast.

And I tried every way to convince him. My whole family got ready except him , He is not ready to change his mind.

He asked me if I have chosen that girl then leave me.

If I leave that girl who is waiting for my answer for 2nmyears it will be injustice on her also, so what am I supposed to do?

Because on my behalf I am not able to prove her wrong on the basis of ISLAM.

BECAUSE the girl who was not regular for JUMA NAMAZ , she is now reading all 5 TIMES SALAH , after I made her realise it.

She never read full Quran in Ramadan and in normal days .But now she reads, she never kept full RAMAZAN ROZA (FAST) she starting keeping full ROZA (FAST).

WHAT  AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? PLEASE GUIDE ME IN LIGHT OF HADEES AND QURAN AND ISLAM….

I WILL ALSO REGRET TOO MUCH AND I AM ALSO AFRAID OF FOLLOWING WRONG PATHS AFTER LEAVING HER. PLEASE GUIDE ME SO THAT I CAN DO JUSTICE AMONG MY FAMILY AND MY GIRL WHOM I AM WILLING TO MARRY.

A:

Wa Alaykumussalam

Thank you for your query.

Your relationship with a non-mahram had been Haram since beginning.

Why did you make that girl wait for you for 2 years? You should have either spoken to your family and accepted or rejected her so she doesn’t have to wait. You must have taken a step earlier and cleared way for yourself and her if your father wasn’t going to agree. It is good to help each other especially in Islamic things. A Muslim should be regular in his prayers and fasts. To prevent the haram relationship the best thing is to get married if both parties agree.

The criteria in marriage is Imaan and faith. So, if you see faith in her and all your family members are ready other than your father and if there is not much cultural or ethnic differences then speak to your father and try to convince him.

Also remember, at times, the love which is built speaking to non-mahram is not always the true love before marriage and could be just because of the relationship with the opposite sex.

Question: What are the limits of obeying one’s parents?

Answer: The duty of a child towards his parents is of two kinds:

The First: To be kind towards them by providing for them, if they are in need. To provide for their day-to-day needs. To respond to their requests that are related to their daily lives at a level that is normal and usual for a human being, in the sense that if he refuses to fulfill them, it would be regarded as “not being good to them” and that would differ depending on whether they are healthy and strong or ill and weak.

The Second: To behave towards them kindly, by not offending them in word or action, even if they are unjust to him. In some religious text, it says, “And if they hit you, do not shun them; instead say, ‘May Allãh forgive you.’”

This is as far as it relates to the parents’ situation. As for those issues concerning the affairs of the child himself by which he could offend one of the parents, these are of two kinds:

The First: If the parent’s distress results from his concern for the child, it is forbidden for the child to do something that would distress his parent, irrespective of whether or not the parent has prevented him from it.

The Second: If the parent’s distress results from of his own evil characteristics (for example, dislike for the good of this world or the hereafter for his child), this kind of distress has no bearing on the child, thus, it is not obligatory on the child to submit to this kind of desires.

It becomes clear from this that, on its own, obeying the parents in their personal commands is not obligatory. And Allah knows the best.

https://www.sistani.org/english/book/46/2056/

Parents’ obedience is must unless they ask the children to go against the commands of Allah swt. But if it causes annoyance or harm to the parents then obeying them in this matter will be wajib on you. If their opinion is out of sympathy and doesn’t cause annoyance or harm then it would not be problematic.

Therefore, the best thing in marriages is that your own family should be convinced and with you, in order to prevent future mishaps and misunderstandings

May Allah(swt) grant you success

Wassalam,

Syed Haider