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I’m just not sure if anything was done unjustly on my behalf or I should stop my inlaws from leaving if islamically it’s not right as I don’t want to be punished by Allah for breaking the family ?

Q:

Hi I would like to ask about my in laws , after marriage I moved to their rented house and 2 months after marriage I started working so was paying my Share of rent Jointly with my husband . The house has one toilet and there were 5 people living in a 3 bedroom house in the uk with my married sister in law coming everyday to the house with her husband as my mother in law used to invite her for dinner. I felt lack of privacy and my father in law was very harsh towards me also my mother in law is my mother’s sister as well but she is very controlling so we wouldn’t let me cook anything or I wasn’t allowed to invite anyone as I had very less space in the house. After 2 years of marriage I was blessed with a daughter and we bought a new place for which my husband and I pay the mortgage. The initial deposit was from our savings and some was given by my father in law . Now we were living in a 3 bedroom house with again one toilet and 5 people as my unmarried sister in law also live with us . She doesn’t help with house work or contribute towards the house expenses so my husband and I pay towards the bills, mortgage , food etc and still I can’t do anything on my own in the house as my mother in law always takes advice of her eldest daughter and she doesn’t want to consult me even when buying anything fir the house which I have to pay for as my husband and I divide all expenses equally so I end up paying for everything my in laws buy but have no say in it . Also my married sister in law comes every other day with her husband and stays till late so I can’t make plans with my husband . All this has made me so much frustrated that my husband and I always have arguments and fight over little things . Plus I work from home so my daughter is also 16 months old since the beginning nobody wanted to look after my daughter and they expect me to work full time , look after my daughter and do the house work . Now my mother in law has started looking after her daughter’s baby at our house and doesn’t want to look after my daughter even fir some time while I’m working so I hired a nanny for her but this has made me bitter towards them as she’s also my aunt and I expected little help from her to be with my daughter when I’m working , I normally do all her work like feed her , change her etc as I work from home so I just wanted her to watch her while I work and my in laws think I’m using them and they say they are not my servants etc which is very sad if they think living jointly they don’t want to do anything but control everything . So few day’s back I lost it and had a fight with my husband as he wasn’t letting me invite my friends but his sister invited lots of her friends so my mother in law heard it and she started cursing me now they have found a rented house so want to move out as they get housing benefit if they rent but I’m thinking if I have done something wrong or i will be punished by Allah for this as I know I wanted a space of my own and I tried everything in 3 years but I was suffocated by their interference also my husband doesn’t spend on my financially and doesn’t even spend time with me as he stays up late and talks to his mother and sister while they do sheesha and I don’t do I look after my daughter and then sleep with her ?I’m just not sure if anything was done unjustly on my behalf or I should stop them from leaving if islamically it’s not right as I don’t want to be punished by Allah for breaking the family ?

A:

Assalamu Alaykum

Thank you for your Question

So it isn’t wrong for wanting your own space and privacy.
Your husband should be able to provide that for you. (As much As he is able to) Also, he is obliged to pay for your ‘Nafaqah’ I.e. your food, clothing and shelter.
You have been kind enough to share out the expenses of the family. It is the obligation of the head of the family to do so I.e your father in law for his and your husband for yours. (I find it wise to mention that it is no harm to keep on helping your husband with the expenses, it’s a mere understanding between you two)

However, wanting this space and privacy does not have to be coming in such a way that ethically it would Be inappropriate. Meaning, it shouldn’t be a result of your fight with your husband or out of frustration that will leave everyone with Bitter memories.
This doesn’t mean you should stop your in-laws from
Moving and getting their own place with housing benefits, rather, you should make use of every opportunity to make them feel loved and wanted whenever you can. Goodness attracts goodness.
This will definitely take time and won’t show it’s colors so soon, but time heals…

In the meantime, your relation with your husband should be on the mend. It maybe difficult to get the ball rolling more so because he is the middle man between the two sides. But know that your patience and support will bear lovely fruits for a lifetime to come. You may want to Stay calm and let him get over this big change in his life.

So Allah will not punish you if they have decided to move.
You must make dua that Allah helps you and them to get over this issues and help your daughter enjoy her parent and grand parents InshaAllah.

Kind regards,
Naajiya Jaffery