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I started to have obscene abusive thoughts about Allah swt and prophets Astaghfirullah…


Salam alaikum..
I’m a 19 year old college going student..I’m a born muslim Shia Alhamdulillah…
I’ve had a perfectly normal life until the last 4-5years..the years which were supposed to be my growing period.. towards Islam toward Allah SWT and towards my Deen..I have always been inclined towards Allah and the ahlul Bayt AS..but suddenly out of nowhere I started to have obscene abusive thoughts about them. Astaghfirullah…I knew it was from Satan..thus I tried to ignore. And asked for forgiveness from Allah..but the problem didn’t subside… actually it started to interfere in my daily prayers while reading Qur’an..while at Majalis…these evil thoughts worsened and so did my condition..I became troubled..full of anxiety.. slowly these thoughts increased and has come up to the level of shirk and kufr…i can’t sleep properly I can’t pray with all my heart I’m always busy in giving myself evidences that these thoughts are not true… Islam is the only true religion and the ultimate truth which I truly believe in…but my life has changed..I’m extremely disinterested now..these thoughts have ruined my faith…I feel dejected… depressed all the matter how much I ignore these thoughts.. they refuse to go away .. things have come to such a point that I can no longer perform my daily tasks with full attention..I’m always occupied in my mind with such thoughts…I try to pray…and follow my Deen but it’s becoming extremely difficult… please help me..
I hope that these thoughts are being forgiven…and I love Allah SWT with all my heart I want to follow the prophet Muhammad pbuh…but these thoughts are totally opposite to what I believe and it’s getting too difficult to live with…I get suicidal thoughts..I get thoughts of self harm… please help…I want to know if this is a punishment or a trial…and if these thoughts are being forgiven..I ask for forgiveness all the time..I’m full of guilt…I feel disconnected from Allah…. sometimes… everything feels unreal…
Please help me…
I’m going insane..
Please answer fast…
Thank you


Assalamu alaykum..

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I agree it could be quiet depressing. You haven’t written what’s really worrying you, I mean your thoughts. But I’m assuming you’re getting wrong thoughts about Allah (azj) and the Prophet (saww) For this:

1- Nothing is wrong with you. This is a natural reaction of a person not knowing something or someone, in this state You seem to think little of the person or so. (Mind you, I’m not saying it’s ok to be in this state and thinking that way, rather trying to tell you that some people can get into this state because they don’t possess enough knowledge of the opposite) in this case your only practical solution would be to increase your knowledge about them. Read about Allah (azj) and The Prophet (saww) , read books that you will need help to understand, because that will force you to hire a teacher for yourself and learn things that were beyond your thinking. That way you will not only clear off your thoughts but also start dearly dearly loving HIM and his Prophets because, knowing brings love. And that love will make you want to worship him even more.

2- I see how you clearly Love Islam and the message it brings. But your suicidal thoughts and self harm thoughts, need some follow up. I would suggest you see a therapist or a counsellor who can evaluate your problem. Sometimes such thoughts arise because you are physically not fit enough as you think you are.E.g. low on vitamin D3 (this alone can make you feel extremely blue and depressed), iron, sleep, etc. So apart from no.1 I would really ask you to see a GP and run some tests to eradicate any other physical concerns.

3- Ofcourse, Allah will forgive you, to my humble opinion already has, because HE knows that you’re going through. HE is closer to you than Yourself! You should know that he knows your intentions. And that you’re really trying hard.

4- Make dua. Speak plentiful to Allah (azj), and recite Duas. I would suggest you often recite dua Tawasul and recite Duas from Sahifah Al-Sajjadiyah. 5- while you’re going through all these processes, I would suggest you do some ‘Redirecting your thoughts exercise” do a good reading on this online. But a simple way you can do this is to wear a rubber band around your wrist, and every time you get such thoughts, snap the band a little hard and start thinking about something else. on5ce you do this a few times, you’re brain will build into redirecting the thoughts itself.

Your are in my prayers.

Good luck