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I have been suffering for past 6 years and unfortunately I cannot discus or get help in person on this issue of my mental health.


Assalam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
Please help me.
I am 42 years old. I have been married for nearly 22 years. I have pious husband and three pious daughters. We all love and respect each other a lot. People see us as a very happy and successful family, Alhumdulillah.
However, for past six years I have been suffering from mental issue. For you to understand my problem better, I am afraid I would have to tell my history; so please bear with me.
I born and brought up in a very small village of India. I had very disturbed childhood. I had lost my mother at age of 15 after seeing her battling with long illness and suffering emotionally too due to not having kind and caring husband. Then at age of 18, I had to leave my siblings, my country, and most importantly, a person to whom I loved to be my husband from age of 13.
Then after emotionally suffering for 3 years in UK, I compromised to marry a person who was 15 years older than me with almost nothing in common, except of course we both wanted a family.
MashaAllah from my childhood, I had passionately loved Allah so much; that is why I faced everything with patience, gratitude, hope, courage and completely trusting Allah’s plan and His mercy.
However, unfortunately, intentionally or unintentionally my husband couldn’t love me enough to make me love him too. In fact, I am sorry, I couldn’t say to anyone but I have to tell you that he couldn’t even satisfy me physically. Therefore, I stayed thirsty for love all my life. But as I said to you I had accepted everything from Allah so I never let any negativity came between us. And especially, purpose of my life was my children; so Alhumdulillah we became very good partners and devoted parents to our children.
Alhumdulillah my husband and my children are very happy with me of my role of wife and mum.
Sixteen years of marriage went extremely busy with all the responsibilities. However, as children grew older and I got free time, I started losing control over my heart; and within no time my heart became salve of anxiety and depression. My world had gone totally upside down. First two years were the worse time of my life; and I felt totally helpless. I tried all sorts of ways to cure it but I couldn’t; and in those desperate moments I contacted the person I had ones loved a lot. Fortunately, he is god-fearing too and he only tried to understand the situation and help me. I went on talking to him for year, which gave me so much comfort and peace. My husband did understand my situation and supported me in this. Now, he does understand, appreciates and loves me.
However, I am aware that he is non-mahram to me. Therefore, I feel too much guilty and get too much scared of displeasing Allah. I strongly believe that this is a sin so it has to stop. This is the only sin I ever did, and still doing is that I love him. I never went over him all these years, therefore seems I can never be able to do it. By the way, he lives in different country, he is very good father and husband, he has no bad intentions, and we only chat as friends without showing our feelings to each other.
Please help me. I am trying hard to do for past four years. I do stop chatting to him for months, but then my heart starts to feel heavy and no matter how hard I try, I do end up chatting. I am totally going crazy. Please help me. I am in a desperate situation. If I be in contact, I feel too much guilty, and when I am not, I feel completely empty. For over 6 years of time I have been trying very hard to keep myself busy with all sorts of things. I work like maniac, just to get over him but little pause, make me contact him again.
Please what shall I do?
I have tried everything. I am not even thinking he is the best person or my life would have been better. I don’t ever want to be with him. In fact I try hard to hate him and make him hate me. But nothing works. I have been in homeopathy treatment. I have checked for jinn and black magic several times. Got my physical heart checked up. I have been many places for voluntary work as a social and care worker etc. Tried to make friends; interacted with family members. Made so many hobbies but absolutely nothing works.
Whole life I tried to be a good Muslimah. Stayed very closed to Allah but now, no dua, no nafil is working. I feel hypocrite, horrible person; very ungrateful. And I am too scared that Allah doesn’t punish me.
I am desperate. Please help.
Please consider my case deeply and answer me in the light of Quran, sunna and psychology/mental health.
I have been suffering for past 6 years and unfortunately I cannot discus or get help in person on this issue. As I said that for people I look much pious and wise person, who normally guides others.
I am sorry, I am aware that this question is too long to read but I couldn’t make it short. Actually there is much more issues to write but I couldn’t make it more long. Please guide me. Inshallah Allah will reward you for your time and help.
Jazakallah khair
Take care


Wa Alaykumussalam

Thank you for your question

The relationship between non mahram is Haram. You can ask for forgiveness and indeed Allah is the most forgiving.

Sometimes having relation with someone while hiding especially from husband who is a life partner, or from someone close to you, creates the mental tension because you can’t share it due to the future problems which would be created.

You have to check what is hurting you since past 6 years. Is it the relation or chatting with the non-mahram which makes you feel guilty?! or is it the love or the physical pleasure which you do not get from your husband? which is the right of each and every woman. If a wife isn’t satisfied physically then she needs that love spot to be filled may be that is why you started speaking or chatting to other person you have mentioned you once loved. You can speak about this matter with your husband and he should understand you and satisfy you. If you think you have a close relation with your husband then do speak about this issue and if this works out you may feel the stress released.

One of the reasons could be the emotional stress your mother had gone and you had seen it since childhood.

Don’t feel you are a horrible person. If this feeling lets you down then it will worsen the situation. We all are sinful, we should look at our sins or errors and hence move towards Allah by acting upon His commands.

There are problems in this life but the problems shouldn’t get over us rather we should know how to tackle them.

Keep yourself busy in different activities the way you had kept yourself busy in volunteering etc.

You can keep taking the homeopathy medicines if it helps you release stress (but we suggest you see a doctor too). But the more you get closer to Allah and do not worry about the worldly matters, the easier the life would become.

Don’t let shaitan overcome you by saying nothing is working out. We have to fulfill our responsibility and leave the rest on Allah(swt). He has blessed us with so many things and He is the one who definitely helps in difficult situations. We must not feel depressed if we don’t see things happening according to our will rather try to fulfill the commands of Quran and Sunnah and leave the result on the Almighty.

You can also try to consult with a scholar where you can meet in person and mention all the things and it can be determined where exactly the problem lies to tackle that particular issue. But please make sure this matter shouldn’t prolong. If it prolongs then you need to consult either a psychiatrist who can help you find the real cause and get you out of it without medication at the first step.

I will mention some of the things which you can perform on every day basis:

  • Keep praying salat 5 times a day and on awwale waqt(the first time as the adhaan is said)
  • Recite Quran with the translation
  • Listen to Quran as much as possible, you can play in your house and listen to it even if you are cooking or doing other work which doesn’t show disrespect towards Quran
  • Recite Hadithe Kisa (
  • Recite Namaz Jafare Tayyar once a week if possible (
  • Recite the following dhikr as many times

يا رَئُوفُ یَا رَحِيمُ

Work on the things mentioned above and I pray that things get better with His help.

Allaho A’lam

May Allah(swt) grant you success


Syed Haider