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I have been married for over 11 years and also have an affair for the past 6 years.


AOA, My message is very long and I m sorry for this but I need answers for my own sanity. I have been married for over 11 years. I had worst situation in life when I said divorce words to my wife few times. Besides that I had few affairs in life and I was intimate with them while I was married. May Allah forgive me and guide me on the right path. My last affair is for the past 6 years and during this time I m intimate with her and I love her a lot as well. I have two kids and it’s hard for me to leave my wife. To the affair one, I have been lying that I will divorce my wife and to be honest I have went that far when I divorce her few times in front or witnesses. But she is the mother of my child. Not sure if that divorce is done or not. I don’t get intimate with her I do sometimes but not a lot but I do get intimate with the lady whom I have affair. I m ashamed of my life and I have no choice to go anywhere, I feel like have been doing Zina for long. That lady took divorce thought the western culture by filing her taxes as separate and then through the court system. Here is one thing which always bug me. She went to court to file for divorce and normally court listen to both parties, her ex husband is illiterate and when the court sent him paper work she used her brother to go and take signature from and explain something else to him. She filed the paper on husband behalf and the court grant her divorce. They are not together for the past 6 years. And this court divorce done in 2015, so they are not together for the past 4 years. What’s the status of such divorce in Islam. Also I have been telling her to let me marry you but she always says that no you have to divorce your wife officially and then I will marry you. I m so much confused in life and I need assistance and patience in life. I love her a lot but I love my two kids as well and don’t want them to go through this. I have pictures and memories of our trips with this lady if we don’t talk we emotionally blackmail each other using this pictures. Please help me out and take me out from this sinful life. I want to start my own life on the straight path. Sometimes I feel like I love her so much that I want to be with her but sometimes when I see her with other male friends hugging them, she goes to the beaches in bikini, smokes regularly, her dressing wearing skirts and short dressers. Feel like I m not the right fit for her. She is Muslim and belongs to Lebanon.


Waalykum salam 

Thank you for your question 
Talaq can only happen if it has the following conditions:
Also, we are humans, we get carried away. And the fact that you’re trying to come back is a great movement on its own. 
You have a wife and two children. Imagine you’re their everything and the perfect role model. A father is root of his children and they are known by him! 
If the root is not strong the tree will fail to stand and can fall! 
Children are actually our ethics teacher. They rectify our ethical issues in such a way that they expect us to act and behave perfectly. 
You my brother, should take hold of the same line and imagine what you’re going to tell this two beautiful children when They understand your relation with your wife and also -GOd Forbid- this other relation!? 
If your wife is unable to meet upto her duties as a wife, speak to her, make a communication bridge where both of you can be a functional couple. 
This movement will bring a lot of barakah and you will see the fruits as you go.
Also,as you put it yourself, the other lady has so many ethical issues! How are you going to collect your life as a responsible father and a husband to a woman who has all those issues!? 
One thing that will really help you is to strengthen your relation with Allah. Take atleast 5 mins of your daily time and speak to Allah. Pour out your heart and ask for guidance. Verily HE takes 10 steps towards us when we take only 1! 
I’m unable to help out further as I don’t know the exact issues you have with your wife 
I would suggest you take some counseling and or speak to your local Aalim 
Kind regards 
Naajiya Jaffery