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I have a lot of fears about marriage.


As salam o alykum ,

I am Female , 21 years old I m getting married By the end of this year , I am very shy girl , My future husband Called me to ask few things before nikkah , He asked me about having physical Relation At first night But It made me sad since I thought always that this man is religious and he will not talk to me on such topics before Nikkah and I felt myself a Sinful to discuss on such things moreover i get worry what if We will not get marry ?why then it is allowed to talk before nikah on such things . He had some questions but I didn’t Answer him properly I couldn’t Actually I always thought that he respects me and to Him I m important not my body , it is an arrange Marriage arrange by my parents And I have no idea About Sex and all this in fact I have a lot of fears
1) Its my body Why Would someone (Husband) is allowed to see me without clothes is it not humiliating?
2) being an adult I think a lot When I don’t like my hair on the body then he will also dislike them and it is not possible to shave everything and every time and everyday and he will eventually start disliking me
3) I Don’t think so i will be able to overcome the shyness because when I think Of getting undressed for my husband it makes me cry and I start to shiver .
4) I belong to the conservative Religious family and here Since Childhood It has been told that Sex is haram and now I am too shy to ask them about sex after nikkah
5)its just few months are left and he wanted me to see me without hijab But I Said No to him because I can never leave my hijab for any na mehram and He is not mehram now But My family told me that its his right I want to Know what If something bad happen and We will not get married then I will feel guilty my whole life that I showed someone something that I was supposed to show only my husband . I will be sinful moreover it will keep hitting me for my whole life .
6) I always thought that Mama And Baba has found someone to whom body is not important Although he has never talked to me anything bad till now But I want to ask Whatever he asked me yesterday like he asked me will you be okay if we will be physical at first night .
And I didn’t not answer him and He also told me about Polygamy that he is allowed By shariah to get another wife if first wife is unable to sleep with her due to any disease or anything Then It made me more insecure that how can somebody know that she will be able to sleep or not before experiencing anything?


Wa alaykum salam

Thank you for your question.

I understand your concerns regarding sex in Islam, especially as you said  that you have been brought up in a conservative family .

My dear sister, it is true that Allah has created human as the best of his creatures  who has the capability to reach the highest level of spiritual perfection.

But apart from this ,in order for the same human to be able to live in this world and extend his progeny,,Allah has placed some needs  (desires ) in him .

The man who wants to attain spiritual perfection has to be able to fulfill these requirements and needs in him. To become spiritually strong, he needs to be strong physically and emotionally otherwise this journey towards Allah and perfection will become very difficult.

Islam, contrary to Christianity has encouraged man to fulfill his sexual needs but in a halal way. i.e. Marriage

If your husband to be has concerns about his  sexual life, he has a right to ask because it is a need which Allah has placed in him. And on the flip side, its good that he is seeking your opinion on this. it only shows how much he respects you.

I would suggest you to visit a  good marriage counselor or talk to a female preacher in your area.

There is a book written by Sayyed Akhter Rizwi which might help you  to answer  your questions :

Sukaina Taqavi