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I got married with a married man without my parents knowing.



I have a big problem in my life.
I got married with a married man without my parents knowing. We paid people to marry us . Was it invalid?

I regret married him. I was blind in love then.  He lives in Sweden and I live in Indonesia. He said its valid according to mahzab Imam Hanafi but I’m following Imam shafie. I feel sinner infront of my parents.

I said it was invalid to him but he went mad on me, he said I’m married to him now but he never supports me . He let’s me live with my parents and he  comes every year just to waste time with me, but he doesn’t know when he will take me to live with him. I feel like he using me . I really did a big sin I fear Allah but if I leave him he will send my private picture and make my name bad on Internet . What should I do please help me sometimes I think I want to  kill myself . I wanna do tawbah but I’m afraid he would  threaten me . Please help me What should I do. Thank you so much.


Waalaykum Al-salam
Thank you or you question

Upon doing some reading, I came across the following writing:

As for marriage contract, it should be clear that marriage, in Islam, is a solemn contract for which the Sharia lays down rules and arrangements to guarantee its stability. In order for marriage to be recognized as valid it must fulfill some requirements such as that marriage must be expressed in clear and unequivocal terms signifying the full of consent of both male and female either in words or writing, that it should be witnessed by two reliable Muslim witnesses, and that it should also be publicized. In this regard, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada , states: “The stated requirements of marriage in Islam are as follow: Full consent of both partners to the marriage, expressing the above consent through ijab (offer) and qabul (acceptance), finally the presence of two reliable witnesses. Apart from the above, in the case of females, their guardian’s consent has been considered essential for the validity of marriage according to the majority of imams and scholars. Imam Abu Hanifah, however, is of the view that a mature woman is fully capable of contracting her own marriage. Thus in his view, marriages finalized without guardian’s consent shall be considered as valid so long the woman has chosen someone who is considered as compatible. Furthermore, scholars are also in general agreement to the fact that marriages should not remain a secret affair; rather they should be publicized. Another important integral of marriage is the bridal gift; although it is not essential to stipulate it in the marriage contract, nevertheless it must be paid either before consummation of marriage or after.”

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Hence, according to his sect it is ok for a woman to decide for herself. However, consent of your father was important.
Also, your marriage must be publicized to meet up to your shariah requirement.

In this case,your marriage needs to hold all the necessary conditions. Therefore, you must speak to your husband and explain this to him. Remind him that he is answerable to Allah (az).
Make sure, you are explaining this to him when he is not overworked or angry and also use an appropriate tone to send across your message. Anger and fights can worsen your chances to straighten things out.

Sister, it’s best you did something about your situation, but not suicide! Killing yourself is not
erasing any mistakes that have been made already. In fact, it just adds on to the miseries. Therefore, keep these satanic thoughts away and focus on the bigger picture.

Speak to your husband, get some counseling and further help. Get help from people who know about your marriage and rectify things.
A local Aalim may be able to help you both and speak to your husband.

In the meantime, pray in plenty for yourself. Speaking to Allah helps you psychologically and also solve issues using ways we never thought.

In the end, I would like to explain the same according to Shia Ithanasheri faith. (Fatwa of Sayyid Sistani):
That a virgin girl must have her father or paternal grandfathers consent for her marriage to be valid.
If she marries in secret, her marriage will be void. Unless, upon finding out, her father agress to the marriage.

InshaAllah all goes well.
Should you have further queries, please write to us.