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I feel like Allah will not grant my Duaas because of the mistake I have done ,He wont give me the person I love…

Q:

Asslam o Alaikum,
I am a Muslim and i made a huge mistake today. You see i used to watch porn alot but this year i eventually repented and for months i stopped watching it, I was really proud of myself until today…after 8 or idk 7 months i watched porn because i was unable to control myself. I am so embarassed that i dont know how i will face my Lord Allah, I mightve swore to Him that i will never, but i failed…I know He is Al rehman, Al rahim. But i am so scared to face Him. I am not a pervert, i asked Allah to get me Nikkah with a girl I love, I dont love her for lust, even her beauty, i love her alot and i want Allah to bless it and help me in getting her. She was my motivation, but this week specifically was suoer hard for me and then i watched porn. I feel like Allah will not grant my Duaas, He wont give me the person I love. I need your help. JazakAllah khair

A:

Salaamun Alaykum

Thank you for your question.
We are all human beings and we TEND to make mistakes(that does not mean we are allowed to commit sins on purpose). But Allah (swt) is All Merciful and All forgiving to those who turn back to him sincerely.
We should never lose hope in Allah’s mercy, for that is a bigger sin.
Allah says in sura Zumar verse53
قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ
Say [that Allah declares,] ‘O My servants who have committed excesses against their own souls, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed Allah will forgive all sins. Indeed, He is the All-forgiving, the All-merciful.
So there are ways to try and stop committing sins:
1- to realise that we are always in Allah’s presence and that He is always watching over us everywhere even when we are alone. This will make us feel ashamed of doing the sin and gradually even thinking of the sin.
2- to know and believe that shaytan is our enemy and that he is always trying to take us away from Allah (swt), so any temptations from Him should not be answered. We should try our best to keep away fro things that triggers to commit a particular sin. If we start helping ourselves and take one step towards Allah, He will come 10steps towards us.
وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ ۖ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ ۖ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُوا لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُوا بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way. (Sura baqarah V186)

3- and the most important one is to constantly ask Allah for help as we our weak and we have no one but Him to help us against shaytans tempations. We should always be in a state of worry( that we might do something that will take us away from Allah) and hope(if we do commit as by mistake then hope that Allah will forgive us because He is All Merciful)

And for the girl you are interested in, you can pray to Allah to grant you whoever is best for you. He makes the best decision for us because He loves us all.

Regards
Zahra Davdani